Judge, 1915-11-13 · page 11 of 28
Judge — November 13, 1915 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects humorous short stories satirizing middle-class American life and social pretensions. **Key pieces:** - **"Retaliation"**: A child swallows a toy balloon he inflated himself—slapstick humor about parental negligence. - **"Dehyphenizing"**: Satirizes ethnic hyphenation (German-American, etc.) as un-American, yet the "good wife" ironically signs herself "Mrs. Elizabeth Hicks-Muggley"—mocking social hypocrisy about assimilation while maintaining class markers. - **"No Cinderella"**: Dark joke inverting the fairy tale; a prince discards a woman's shoe rather than seeking her, rejecting romantic convention. - **"Overstock"**: Gentle mockery of "uplifters" (social reformers) pestering housewives with causes when they're already overwhelmed. - **"Concict"** (sic): Prison humor about post-release plans involving bank robbery. The page reflects early-20th-century anxieties about immigration, assimilation, and middle-class pretension while mocking reformist movements.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ie DOLLARS Retaliation 66] NEVER saw a case like this before,” mused the physician who had been called in a hurry on Christmas afternoon. He thumped the child who was the object of his call. The child, of a pro- digious roundness, gave } forth a hollow “boom” like unto that of a drum. “He doesn’t seem to be in any pain. Did you let him overeat at dinner?” “No, doctor,” explained the anxious mother. “Willie got a toy balloon among his other presents, and when it deflated he blew it up by himself, and he blew it up too much, and the balloon blew back at him and blew him up, and that’s why we called you.” Hegemony Hi. Finance—What about the finan- cial hegemony? D.Vorsay—It's twice what I ought to pay her, and I told the judge so. It Seems to Me A barometrical prophet Of unanswerable sort Isa good old clap of thunder For a sure weather report —Margaret G. Hayes att AND No Cinderella “Your highness,” said “some lady at the ball has left behind one of these flat-soled, pan shaped shoes.” “Throw it on the ash heap,” commanded the prince. “I don’t want to find her.” an attendant, Overstocked Uplifter (at front door)—Wouldn’t you like to take the initiative-——? Lady of the House—We're taking more magazines than we can afford now. \ 6 Visitor—Now that your sentence is about to expire have you any plans for the future ? Concict—Yes'm. an’ a joolery store. I've got de plans of er couple of banks Dehyphenizing “J JUST think it should be stopped by law,” said the good wife, looking up from her paper. “What should be stopped by law, my angel?” asked the kind husband. “This practice of people hyphenating their nationalities. There should be no German- Americans or French-Americans or Italian- Americans. They should all be just plain Americans.” “But if such a law were passed, my angel,” meckly suggested the kind husband, “would that affect your practice of signing your name ‘Mrs. Elizabeth Hicks-Muggley’?” But her only reply was a hyphenated sniff. To Help the Story Mary Mild—Do you suppose any- body ever called Gracia Giltmore beau- tiful? Carrie Caustique—Reporters twice described her—when she cloped with a street-car conductor, and when she di- vorced him. Her Waterloo Young Mrs. Justwed’s gone insane; They say that she will die, for She found her hubby's diary-book— And it was writ in cipher! comicbooks.com