Judge — November 13, 1915 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DAY I saw a wondrous brute, a horse, the savants called it; "twas driven by an old galoot, and with a whip he mauled it. d some kind of works inside, but not a key to wind it; "twas covered with some sort of hide, and had a tail behind it. Tasked the driver, lank and lean, as he was past me bowling, how he poured in the gasolene, to keep the blamed thing going. ‘The people thronged from everywhere to sce that wondrous creature; they pulled its cars and pawed its hair, and stared at every feature. “It’s surely from another world,” we muttered. “from far-off Saturn it's been hurled, or maybe Mars has spewed it.” And then a wise old graybeard came, as aged as Father Adam. “Once nags,”’ he said, “were in the ; all sorts of people had ’em. I can recall the gorgeous day when first I owned a trotter, and I went scooting up the way, with old Dad Bingham’s daughter. I was a proud, exultant youth—perhaps you'll not believe it, but what I say is true as truth; you take it or you leave it. “Once nags were famed for speed and power, which is as sure as shooting, and men who drove ten miles an hour thought they were more than scooting. ‘The proudest mul millionaires thought they were strictly in it, they could send their speedy mares three fur- longs in a minute. This animal at which you gaze, which very near a corpse is, was handed down from other days, when there were hosts of horses. We shooed the graybeard from the pl since Truth he was defying; for certainly it's a disgrace to hear an old man fs In vain the atmosphere he'll fan, and gesture like a preacher; it stands to reason that no man would drive so weird a creature, In olden days there were, perchance, such things as nags surviving, but it’s apparent as we viewed it; o#0or wome Ly Valuable Reputations 2a reputation for candor and you will be able to fabricate to your heart’s content. Cultivate a reputation for irresponsibility and all your time will be your own. Cultivate a reputation for brillianey and you won't know what an old joke means. © a reputation for brainlessness and whatever you do pleasant surprise, © a reputation: for honesty and you can put over the crookedest deal. Cultivate a reputation for seeretiveness and you will hear all the town scandals. Cultivate a reputation for expert Bridge and you will never be seated with insatiable conversationalists. Cultivate a reputation for good “husbandry” and you never need to be home. Cultivate a reputation for reading good “Lit” and everyone will make excuses for your regular “Light (yellow) reading.” jon for that tired feeling (if a woman); and Cultivate the reputation for masterfulness (if a man) and any. thing you may say “Goes!” ¢ a reputation for lavish generosity and you will be let alone, because people will think that your hand is never out of your pocket. Cultivate a reputation for witty conversation and you'll never have to open your mouth again.—Ethel R. Peyser. So the Calf Kept On Asa train stopped at a little Ohio station the passengers heary the plaintive bawling of a calf, which was being wheeled along the platform in a ers 's somcone complaining, conductor,” said a traveler, bit of fun. Not to me,” answered the mild old ticket taker. heard a passenger's complaint with that much sense.” “Never GIVE IT \ BACK! KEEP IT! ce they were not used for driving. You can’t convince usthat oursires would be each one a martyr, and drive a beast that had no tires, no clutch or brake or starter. -Walt Mason Sounds Offstage “T guess the butler will disappear from the stage.” “Why so?” ¢ was to announce * My lord, the carriage waits.’ And you don’t need that announcement now. You can hear the automobile honking outside.” “His only us WHEN THE CASHIER MAKES A MISTAKE IN YOUR FAVOR