Judge — October 30, 1915 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Analysis of Success ISS ANNA LIST. the famous syndi- cated lady psychologist, has at last completed her great life work—a delicately wrought analysis of Success. For years the unsuccessful portion of humanity, comprising in all some- what over 99 per cent. of the population of the globe, has waited impatiently for some authoritative information in regard to the chimerical composition of this irresistible force in busi- ness, political, and religious circles. it is with no little pride that Judge here lays the result of Dr. List’s painstaking labor before the public. SUCCESS Honest work Honest advertising Other work Ordinary advertising Finesse Surreptitious credit-taking Ruthlessness Luck Hypocrisy With this heretofore carefully concealed information now in the hands of Tom, Dick and Harry a great injustice will soon be dissipated. Instead of a favored few being 1 with a lion’s share of Success, Suc- ss will be equally divided among all, and nobody will have any to speak of. —H. W. Dee. 1.027 00.023 25.878 17.101 6.008 19.020 9.0090 13.013 8.921 Three Balls “Do you wear your watch on your ankle?” “No—on my uncle!”* Hence A Dream DREAMED a dream. And behold e’en as I dreamed all things that are were as they aren't. Reversed were all things The Billionaire was taken down from the Seats of the Mighty, and set to work on sweeping streets, And he who yesterday had swept the streets was lifted up, and in a motor-car was carricd down into the regions of High Finance, and exalted to the Mastership of all the Marts of Trade. And lo, the day passed. And night fell with dull and sickening thud. And then there dawned an- other day, and men everywhere were seen upon their knees in humble prayer, and some were out upon the highways clamoring that former ways might be restored. For lo, the Billionaire among the Sweepers ranked among the Young Wife—Oh, Jack! hope that baby will grow up to be a Financier the former Sweep in twenty-four brief hours had clogged the wheels of com- merce, destroyed all hints of confidence, disturbed the nice adjustments and_bal- ances on which alone could any thrive, and where were scenes of smiling prosperity fell chaos ruled, and all was panic and mistrust! Mora Every man to his trade! Every self-made man is his own hobby. —These guys kin hardly wait fer Saturday and Sunday to come round 10's they kin do this, nt of the United States! Husband—That's just like you women—never want a man to enjoy hife any! Four Kinds of People HERE ARE four kinds of people in this world: (a) Those who are grouchy at home and pleasant everywhere else. (b) Those who are pleasant at home and grouchy elsewhere. (c) Those who are pleasant both at home and elsewhere. (d) Those who are grouchy everywhere. Class (a) are as the sands of the sea. Class (b) are rare. Class (c) are rarer. Class (d) are public and private nuisances. —Strickland Gillilan. Wrong Suit * she objected. “you're a Jack of “Thou ‘art the queen of my heart,” he reminded her, “and the queen takes the Jack.” Refusing, however, to be impressed with this argument, the maid insisted on a new His Position “IT have been told,” stated J. Fuller Gloom, “that it is impossible to please everybody. I don’t know of my own knowl- edge, for I have never tried.” His Second Venture He—Think how happy you can make me by taking this step. She—Step? Flight of stairs, you mean! Your first wife left such a familv.