Judge, 1915-09-18 · page 8 of 28
Judge — September 18, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces satirizing early 20th-century American social conventions: **"The Obstacle"** mocks genteel pretensions—a woman from Oklahoma refuses a card game invitation, insisting "I'm no gentleman," rejecting the affectation of refined behavior. **"Tried Both"** jokes about remarriage, where a widower describes his first wife as "strong-minded" and second as "weak-minded," implying women are impossible either way—a common misogynistic trope. **"Beauty Before Pleasure"** is a longer poem lamenting how women torture themselves with restrictive beauty standards (corseting, exercise, fasting) while wealthy women have leisure to do so. Working women suffer doubly, grinding through labor while maintaining appearance standards. **"Convenient Apology"** and **"Creduluous"** are brief jokes about parental excuses and gullibility. **"What He Used Them For"** humorously suggests fire extinguishers work better for intimidating suitors than fighting fires. The tone throughout is light satirical commentary on gender roles, courtship rituals, and class anxieties of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Obstacle “Wouldn't you like to sit in a men’s game?” insinuated casual acq' Benth. shifty-cyeq grimly replied Sandstorm Say of Rampage, Oklahoma, who is temp in our midst. “I'm no gentleman Tried Both The Widow—Hi you married again | , pose you would want a woman of intel. he Widower—Ves, but just about dium. * The Widow—Medium? The Widower—Ves. My first wife Wasa strong-minded woman and my second 9a; First professor—S-say. we've discovered it at last b weak-minded woman and one's about 35 vad as Vother. Second professor—D-discovered w-what ? First professor—Perpetual motion—I c-can’t stop ! Credulous Beauty Before Pleasure Convenient Apology “Very credulous, is he?” H, do not candies eat, my ¢ If a boy is real naughty his mother apol- “Why, you could sell him a mortgage o For they your teeth may harm, ogizes by saying: “He's just like his father.” a castle in the air.” And shun all pastries, lest your clear Complexion lose its charm; Let Science pick out your menus, And not your own desires, For what she likes the girl eschews Who socially aspires— Ah, yes! I know it’s bothersome And irksome too, my treasure, But now fair woman’s axiom Is “Beauty before pleasure.” And you must take delsarte, my dear. And learn to twist and bend, Or else you may grow stout. I fear (The kindly fates forefend) And stoutness now a sin they score, The awfulest of crimes, So you must roll upon the floor A hundred thousand times: rich must suffer, dear, I beyond all measure For our first rule of lif Is “Beauty before ple And you must be massaged, my child And steamed and manicured, And have your “crowning glory” piled So it will look monsieured; And stand while time through ages runs fitters fuss about "t talk of shopgirls! We're the ones Whose work-day wears us out We who have naught to do, my dear But spend our time and treasure. Are toiling, cringing slaves, I fear, To “Beauty before pleasure.” Lee Shippey. What He Used Them For Customer —1 want another fire-extin- guisher. Used the last one all up last night. Clerk—Glad to sell them to you, sir, but aren’t you rather carcless at your place. That isthe third one I've sold youin a week. Customer—O, I don’t use them for fire. They are the greatest things on carth for chasing out your daughter’s late callers. “You stubborn, obstinate, contrary, pig-headed brute! You—you—woman !”