Judge — September 11, 1915 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From Our Eden Correspondent HE serpent congratulated Eve on having partaken of the fruj of the Tree of Knowledge, thereby becoming the first $ret 1 Graduate. — “Your Commencement gown,” said he, “is a Peach—not a The Blue Stockings mightn’t like all your figures of speech what do they know about an attractive figure? By the by, g you compose the Class Pocm?” is.) “No,” replied Eve, glancing in Adam's direction, “I chose the Commencement Him.” One Reason “I have discovered,” remarked the old codger, “one reason why political parties, clubs, societies ard organizations fail to keep intact.” “Why?” asked the youthful secker after knowledge. “I just told you,” said the old codger. “They fail to keep in tact.” "D like to save up seven bones, against the rainy day, but kindl Covet ke to save seve es, agains! ie rainy day, but kindly “pe AW So ee . iz z folk, with siren tones, entice my plunks away. Kind, helpful atecey Ce by fat de ney srocan By a long winter evening? people, great of heart, arc evermore abroad, and they pursue me _ ““/olter—A portion of the day which existed before the! era movies and talking machines. through the mart, and touch me for my wad. This morning, when I drew my wage, and stepped upon the street, Qualified there came a gitl of chicken age, with dazzling smile and sweet. “My 7o4s—Flubdub has started a correspondence school of pugil friend,” she said, “across the seas, the wounded soldiers wail; their opus yaovluy Des slarleda corres Pugilism. legs were shot off at the knees, and they are short of kale. Dig up okie Has he had any: experience ; Rahn aa Fee PALS Lnclodmead) tes TB UP Hokus—Well, 1 believe he used to work in a box fact the coin you've labored for,” the lovely damsel begs, “and buy some actory. hero of the war a brace of wooden legs.” When such a human buttercup waylays a world-worn gent, that gent can only loosen up, and try to look The new broom sweeps clean, and the vacuum cleaner. content. Before I'd gone a hundred feet I met an- other maid, with eyes so bright and smile so sweet, she made the first one fade. She ed me by the buttonhole, and cried, “Well met, old scout! I'm sure you have a goodly roll; this being true, shell out! The ladies of the Uplift Guild would help the Eskimo, who is so poor he has to build his bungalow of snow. We'd build for them a thousand huts upon the modern plan, so kindly spring no ‘ifs’ or ‘buts,’ but cough up like a man.” I do not care a dozen whoops about those far-off jays, nor care in what design of coops they have to spend their days. But when a smiling peach would help those mort ‘an only reach In other days the women old went round and passed the hat, and found their victims stern and cold—no man would fall for that. An ancient dame with grizzled hair, and shapeless frame and bent, might dog my WSs SSS <a footsteps everywhere—she wouldn't get a . SS cent. But now the lovely maidens take the SSS warpath every day, and even hardened tight- Sp were wads quake, and yield the right of way. WEL, The daughters of the horseleech rise, and camp upon my trail, with pearly teeth and starry eyes, and always get the kale. Too Late Freddie—What’s an affinity, dad? ! Cobwigger—That’s when you happen to Judson —What’s the matter with old Simpkins? meet the right girl after you have married Budson—Heartbroken. He's been driving that car for thirteen the wrong one. years and this is the first time it had to be towed home.