Judge, 1915-07-24 · page 25 of 28
Judge — July 24, 1915 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains primarily **humorous epitaphs and short joke columns** with period advertisements, rather than political cartoons. The epitaphs mock Darwin-award-style deaths: a man shooting himself to see a bullet's trajectory, someone drinking acid in darkness, a man refusing to fly (trusting his feet instead), and another "goose-stepping" into a manhole. These target human foolishness and overconfidence. The remaining jokes satirize common social absurdities: wives unable to bake, politicians subscribing to whatever platform suits them, telephone operators' ambiguous professional status, pessimists complaining even on beautiful days, and parents learning fashion from their children rather than setting examples. The humor relies on **wordplay, irony, and observational comedy** about middle-class American life—reflecting Judge magazine's tradition of satirizing everyday social pretensions and human folly rather than specific political figures or events.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Passing the Mustard An Epitaph Here rest the bones of Silas Hay. The durn fool got too smart. He looked into a gun one day To see the bullet start. —Cincinnats Enquirer. Here rest the bones of Ezra Tank. His folly none could throttle. He got up in the dark and drank Out of the acid bottle. —Detroit Free Press. Here lie the bones of Hiram Blaine, Who trusted to his feet, ‘And wouldn't take an aeroplane To cross a jitney steet. —San Francisco Chronicle. Here lie the bones of Lucius Chalk, Now crushed, though they began whole. He tried to do the goose-step walk— And goose-stepped down a manhole. Hoisting Machinery Needed—‘‘Oh, dear,’’ the young wife, ‘‘I don’t know what to use to raise my bread! I've tried everything."” “A derrick and a couple of jackscrews ought to do it,"’ thought her husband, but he didn’t say it aloud.—Boston Transcript, As Usual—‘‘I don't see how they can afford to do what they do on his salary."” “Do you know what his salary is?’’ # but I don’t see how they can afford things, just the same.'’—Detroit Free Press. Force of Habit—'‘ Do you promise to love, honor and cherish this woman?"’ “Yes,"’ said the politician. ‘* Whatever the platform is, I subscribe to it.''—Lowis- rille Courier-Journal. Classified—'‘How would you classify a telephone girl? Is hers a business or a profession?” “Neither; it is a calling.’’—Christian Register. A Comeback—‘‘ What does our party stand for?’’ asked the machine senator. “You, for one thing,"’ replied a raucous voice from the rear of the hall.—Phila- delphia Record. The Pessimist—Payton—A bachelor is a man who has been crossed in love. Parker—Yes, and a married man has been double-crossed.— Brooklyn Life. As Usual—‘‘It's a beautiful day."’ “Yes,"’ replied O. U. Grouitsch, the noted pessimist; ‘*but unseasonable for this time of the year."'"—Baltimore American. cre , Not the Only Device—‘‘A speedometer indicates how fast one is going.’” “So does one’s bank balance.’*—Boston Globe, n't On the Way — Patience —Can’t Peggy dance? Patrice—Well, she’s taking steps to learn. —Yonkers Statesman. oR Vice Versa—'‘You are careful to set an example for your son?’* “Tused to try to set him an example,"’ Teplied the serious man, ‘‘but now I study him attentively to ascertain what kind of clothes I ought to wear and the stlye of RPS F you have been ‘‘Taking the Cure” each Summer at Vichy, Karlsbad or Aix, don’t neglect it—take it this Summer at Hotel Chamberlin, Old Point Comfort—the Saline Spa of America. Every Bath and Treatment as given at European Spas, with the additional advantage of sea-breezes and sea-bathing—a magnificent hotel, gay with pleasure loving people—sports and social diversions made brilliant by Army and Navy participants. i sie LN, atest of sea-foods and the perfection of Southem cooking —make your visit a long remembered pleasure. Accessible and charming in environment, yet far away from the hum of everyday life. Reduced Summer Rates—June to October For illustrated booklets, apply to tourist bureaus or transportation offices or address GEORGE F. ADAMS, Manager, Fortress Monroe, Va. New York Orrice: BertHa Rurrner Hote. Bureau, McALPIN HOTEL. joth Arms of the Service’ at Old Pornt Comfort | | } ODERN and comfortable. Yachting, motor j | rte : ? | Thousand Islands | boating, canoeing, fishing, fine bathing MOST FASCINATING RESORT | beach, golf, tennis, dancing. Favorite resort | IN AMERICA [| best families. Accommodates 300. Reasonable | j : | | rates. Write for illustrated booklet FRANK M. ROGERS, Formerly | Murray Hill Hotel LOCATED ON MURRAY ISLE, PRETTIEST OF GROUP comicbooks.com