Judge — July 24, 1915 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ae FOURTH ae AT PARK AVENUE * NEw YORK An Fote! Designed to Appeal to the Conservative ano [iu Top Inn Newport RI. HEALTH, STRENGTH, LONGEVITY —and the enjoying of life to the fullest extent are yours by adopting the $ principles used in THE TYLER COURSE. — Requires 10 min- utes daily, no medicine, dieting or depriving | oneself of the pleasures of few organic rsonal needs will hopes. Send for my free booklet. PARKER R. TYLER, 404 Terminal Bites New Yet NY. SEXOLOGY by William H. Walling, A.M., M.D. im in a clear wholesome ieee eae Father Should Impart Soa, ledge a tlasband Should Have. Icapes 2 Mother Should Import to Mer Daughter $2.00 postpaid, nowledge a Wile Should Have. Write for “Other People's Opinions” and Table of Contenta, PURITAN PUB. CO., 792 Perry Building, PHILA., PA. “Innocence Abroad” 1 the brilliant inting by Enoch Art Moust 11x tao, ft I line of duck Aepecettes ters” 9 BEND TOW OUR FREE CATALOG oa our lattes catalog by retarn Write today. = ANGELICA J) Sait Ne9en St, Sc Louie Stories with Smiles Pat's Information—One day, as Pat halted at the top of the river bank, a man famous for his inquisitive mind stopped and asked, **How long have you hauled water for the lage, my good man?"’ “Tin years, sor."" ‘Ah! How many loads do you take in a day?"’ “*From tin to fifteen, sor.’” “Ah, yes! Now, I have a problem for you. How much water at this rate have you hauled in all?"’ The driver of the watering cart jerked his thumb backward toward the river and replied, ll the water yez don't see there now, sor.'’—Pittsburgh Chronicle- Telegraph. On a Party Line—On a Sunday afternoon an esteemed party named Smith casually remarked something about dinner, whereat his wife wearily sighed. “*John,’’ said she, ‘‘I am too dead tired to cook to-night. Suppose we visit one of the neighbors and take a chance on being invited to stay for dinner."’ “All right,’’ was the ready rejoinder of willing father. ‘*How about the Browns?'’ “Not on your life!’’ quickly replied mother. ‘‘The Browns are going to have pork and cabbage. I heard Mrs. Brown or- der it over the party telephone. The Greens ordered chicken.''—Philadelphia Telegraph. Sandstorm Smith Reassured—‘Say, looky yur!" snarled Sandstorm Smith, the widely known Oklahoman, emerging from the ele- vator in a Kansas City hotel five minutes after he had apparently retired to his room for the night. ‘Who in blazes is that cuss in the next room to mine?"* **A guest who was in an automobile ac- cident this afternoon,’’ replied the clerk. **The gasoline caught fire and burned him pretty badly. I am sorry his groans dis- turbed you, but’’—— “Aw, that’s all right! I thought it was one of them infernal cabaret performers practicing on an accordion.''—Kansas City Star. A Trifle Lazy—A lawsuit was recently in full swing, and during its progress a wit- ness was cross-examined as to the habits and character of the defendant. “Has Mr. March a reputation for being abnormally lazy?’’ asked counsel briskly. “Well, sir, it's this way’ “Will you kindly answer the question asked?"’ struck in the irascible lawyer. ‘Well, sir, I was going to say it's this way: I don’t want to do the gentleman in question any injustice, and I won't go so far as to say, sir, that he's lazy exactly; but if it required any voluntary work on his part to digest his food—why, he'd die from lack of nourishment, sir.’’—Pittsburgh Chronicle- Telegraph. Making It Emphatic—She sailed into the telegraph office and rapped on the counter. As the clerk came forward to meet her, he remembered that she had been there about ten minutes before. He wondered what she wanted this time. “‘Oh,’’ she said, ‘‘let me have that tele- gram I wrote just now; I forgot something important. I wanted to underscore ‘per- fectly lovely’ in acknowledging the receipt ot that bracelet. Will it cost anything ex. “No, ma’am,"’ said the clerk, as he handed her the message. The young lady drew two heavy lin neath the words and said, sa “It's awfully good of you to let me do that! It will please Arthur ever so much” — Youth's Companion. His Method—"'I hope,”’ said Mrs. Com, tossel, ‘‘that you'll be careful not to take any counterfeit money while you're jg town.” “IT never bother about suspectin’ ny fellow-man,”’ replied her husband. “I | study out a piece of counterfeit money, it’s impossible to offer it to anybody withos, my hand tremblin’; but if I pay no attes. tion, it's about as easy to pass it on the next feller as it was to pass it on me."— Washington Star. There Was a Difference—In the lobby of a hotel they were speaking about sped fiends. One afternoon Jones was rambling along the boulevard when he ran across Friend Smith. Handshake and then some talk, which included the war, the weather ani automobiles. “*By the way,’’ said Friend Smith rece. lectively, ‘I hear that you have been bay. ing a machine."" “*Yes,’" proudly admitted Jones, “| brought her home about two weeks ago,” **Some speed, of course,’’ returned Friend Smith. ‘*How fast can the machine go?” “Well,’” answered Jones, with a smile that was half sad, ‘‘it depends altogether on who is timing it—myself or a county constable."’"—Philadelphia Telegraph. One Unchanged Place—‘‘ Where's the od blacksmith shop where I picked the he penny off the anvil?’’ “‘The blacksmith organized the Glo town Garage and Gasoline Corporation, sold the stock and went to Europe.’’ “‘Where’s the old oaken bucket fron which I sipped many a cool draught?” “The health department has it ina glas case as a horrible example.’’ “What's become of the little red school house?"’ **Mrs. Van Coin bought it to use asa hospital for her Pomeranians."’ **How about the common where we usd to play one old cat?"’ “*The Confederate League has bought it and we're going to have a game theres soon as we can get Hal Chase to jump tous.” “The old tavern is the same, I suppose?” “No; Billy went out of business rather than cater to the motorist taste for dria with seven kinds of liquor and vegetables in them."" **The post-office?”” “Not much changed; but Joe Gimp ist postmaster any more. This post-card cra drove him blind trying to keep up with bis reading."” “Isn’ t anything the same as it used ® be?’ “Yes, just one. When you go to gt shaved, you'll find that the barber's com versation and his razor are exactly the sam as they were when you went away."’—! adelphia Ledger.