Judge, 1915-05-01 · page 7 of 24
Judge — May 1, 1915 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The top illustration shows a formal dining room with diners rushing through their meal, accompanying the moral: "Don't be in such a hurry to take your vacation." This satirizes Americans' frantic pace and impatience. The text contains various humorous short pieces typical of Judge's satirical format: - **"Going Several Better"** mocks social climbing—a woman boasts her ancestors came on the Mayflower; her rival counters that hers arrived in first-class on a Cunard liner, suggesting nouveau riche absurdity. - **"Every Man to His Trade"** offers witty one-liners about occupational competence (banks cleaned by janitors not cashiers, etc.), poking fun at incompetence crossing professional boundaries. - **"Mother Wit"** jokes about a lazy son and nagging mother. - **"Able to Handle It"** puns on a paperhanger's ability to handle long ballots during elections—likely referencing increasingly complex voter materials. These pieces represent Judge's lighthearted social commentary on American customs, class pretensions, and contemporary concerns like political voting procedures.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MORAL: DON'T: BE IN SUCH A HURRY TO TAKE YOUR VACATION Fairies O FAIRIES move the first of May? If so, I hope they come our way. We have the choicest vacant lots, Both hardy plants and flowers in pots. We'll ask no rent, nor charge for light, If, when the moon is shining bright And they are dancing on the green, They'll let us watch the pretty scene. The frogs will make, when nights are short, The music for their elfin sport, And bees bring in a supper rare For those who like the bill of fare. A lily filled with dewdrops cold, Next honey in a rose leaf rolled, And last of all a firefly’s wing Would make a feast to please their king. Then, as the dawn begins to break, Back to our beds our way we'll take, And not one word our lips shall pass About what happened on the grass. —Kete B. Burton Going Several Better She (proudly )—My ancestors came to this country on the Mayflower. Her rival (triumphantly )—Pooh! I al- ways thought you came from a lot of cheap skates! My ancestors came over first cabin in a Cunard liner! Every Man to His Trade A bank should be cleaned out by the janitor, not by the cashier. A hen can’t lay the dust any more than a watering cart can lay an egg. No boy can spin a web like a spider, but a spider can’t spin a top like a boy. A dentist can’t draw a picture any better than an artist can draw a tooth. Any one can pick a quarrel, but it requires a certain amount of skill to pick a lock. Some men are handy with their hands, and some with their feet. Some are knockers, and some are kickers. Mother Wit Mother (to son who has overslept) —You need a self-starter to get you up in the morning. Son (sotto voce)—Not when I have a crank like you to get me going. A Different Slant Rankin—Beanbrough has a terrible cold in his head from raising his hat to the ladies. Phyle—That's an altogether new form of the tipping evil. Able To Handle It ééNAR. PASTE is the only man in our block who doesn’t dread election day.”’ “*How's that?’’ ‘*Well, the ballot is anywhere from six to ten feet long nowadays, but he is a paper- hanger, so he isn’t afraid to tackle it.”” Fas Tourist’ s daughter—Wby, mother, you said these people were ignorant, and I just heard them speaking Spanish. comicbooks.com