Judge — May 1, 1915 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Bat HIS isa bat. There are many kinds of bats, varying in shape, shade and ap- petite. All of them, however, have two common characteristics: they are always upside down in the daytime and they stay out all night. The bat is built like a bi- plane, behaves like a swallow and sounds like a mouse. He belongs to the mammals, is allied to the birds and is something of a reptile. He is a sort of fusionist who could without prejudice or embarrassment stand for any platform that would stand for him. Once when the Birds and the Beasts were at war, the bat was always found with the victors. He proved himself a bird by the evidence of his wings, and not a bird be- cause he had teeth and hair and never orig- inated from an egg. He eventually got what was coming to him when peace was declared and a dual alliance was formed: he was cut in two and divided between friends. The more light on a subject, the less it becomes visible to a bat. Thi probably due to his habit of spending half of his existence with his head where his tail ought to be. The bat, however, has a highly developed and specialized sense of touch —a faculty met with in most all- nighters —and this characteristic keeps him free from many entanglements. The bat family is a very old one. It dates back beyond the Eocene Period, which is consid- erably earlier than the landing of the May- flower. Still, in spite of his ancient line- age, the bat has not improved mentally or physically in a million years, which seems to prove that ancestry is no asset and that night work does not conduce to a high or- der of efficiency. The present status of the bat also shows the futility of being a little of everything and nothing much of any- thing. Don’t be a bat. The Days of Real Sport Teacher—The centaurs were creatures with the head and arms of a man and the body of a horse. Billy (the Ty Cobb of his team)—Gee! what a combination for battin’ and base runnin’! Maurice Switzer. Fencing They were discuss- ing the war. “In Franc said Mr. Cityman, ‘‘ the men are all expert fencers." “Wall, Iswan !"" ex- claimed Farmer Med- dergrass. ‘‘ Rail or barbed wire?’’ Cause for Dislike “I don’t like that man.”* “Don't like him? Why, my dear fellow, you don’t know him !"* “That's why I don’t like him. He refuses to meet me.’’ The Exception “As ye sow, so shall ye reap," quoted the philosopher. “You can’t make the man who plants his own garden believe that,’’ replied the sub- urbanite. Coming of Spring ‘OU think you hear the robin's note, And skyward look to find her. But you are fooled; the sounds that float Come from an organ grinder. Language “You will find this tar paper very good for moths,"’ said the salesman. “I don't doubt it,’’ replied the customer; “‘but what I want is somethinsg that's bad for them.” AND THEY SAY GOLF IS NOT A DANGEROUS GAME!