Judge, 1915-04-03 · page 8 of 24
Judge — April 3, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects brief satirical dialogues and light verse typical of Judge's humor. The "Little Conversations" section mocks everyday absurdities: a man praising his boss for raising then slashing his salary; a woman annoyed her dog buried her doughnut rather than eating it; complaints about an inaccurate man named Jarley. "Some System" jokes about cabaret establishments giving patrons hammers to pound tables for applause—turning "a knock into a boost" (pun on applause-seeking). The illustrated pieces include romantic verse about a woman's elaborate Easter outfit, and brief comedic exchanges: a child asking if a hog's tusks are "tushes," and an Irish peasant noting his brother would be a gentleman if he'd lived (dark humor about emigrant mortality). The humor is gentle, domestic, and class-conscious rather than explicitly political—typical of Judge's entertainment-focused satirical approach in this era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Little Conversations A Clever Man 66] TELL you,”’ said Dubbleigh, *‘ Rawson is a clever man."” “Think so?’’ said Whibbles. “Yes,"’ said Dubbleigh. “He raised my salary fifty per cent. for a Christmas surprise, and then reduced it seventy-five per cent. as a New Year economy."’ A Base Libel She—I gave Rover one of my doughnuts to-day, and what do you suppose he did with it? He--I don't know. Did he eat it? She—No; he took it out into the garden and buried it! He—No! Really? And yet they say dogs have no reasoning powers! As to Jarley “*That man Jarley is without any excep- tion the most inaccurate man I ever knew,"’ said Dobbson. ‘‘Tell me, Jones, does he ever get anything right?"’ “Oh, yes,"’ replied Jones. ‘‘ Anything that is left, Jarley will always get right.” An Economy “‘No money, no trunks,"’ said the irate landlord. ‘If you don’t pay your board bill, we hold your trunks till you do. “*Splendid!"’ said Dedbroke. ‘*That’ll save me the expense of storage on these things of mine until next season. By-by, old man!"" —Horace Dodd Gastit. “OH, THE CHEEK OF SOME PEOPLE!" The Charm Inscrutable “Why do all the women wear their sum- mer straw hats during the bleak winter weather?’* “*Ho, that’s easy! So they can put on their fur and velvet ones in the heat of July and August!"" Some System Rankin—What do you think of the plan of giving cabaret patrons little hammers with which to pound on the tables for ap- plause? Phyle—It is an extremely ingenious method of turning a knock into a boost. An Easter Maid ELINDA has an Easter hat, With rainbow ribbons on it; It also has a feather that Would fire one to a sonnet. And there are flowers tucked here and there The crinkly rim just under; Above the halo of her hair It surely is a wonder. Belinda has an Easter dress; I'll call it a confection. To picture it, I must confess, Would drive one to dejection. It's so compact of bows and frills And ruffled like a linnet, It gives me many, many thrills To see Belinda in it. Belinda has an Easter boot; The kid who gave the hide, he— He'd joy if he could view her foot, So trim and slim and tidy. And this to know I have the wit— There would be naught to rankle If she would let me button it About her pretty ankle! Belinda has an Easter air, All light and love and laughter; Where’er she goes, I feel that there I'd like to hasten after. Indeed, if she'd consent to lead, I would not lag or falter, But follow her with blissful speed, Aye, even to the altar! —Clinton Scollard. Certainly ! “Papa, are those two long things sticking out of the wild hog’s mouth his tushes?"" **No, my son. One of them is his pish.”” A Drawback “‘Doesn’t she tango divinely? American tourist—So your brother went to America? = Peasant—Yis. An’ he was makin’ a minto' money, If he'd lived he'd be a gintleman this day! . “*Ye-e-s; but she’s got an awful appetite !"”