Judge, 1915-03-20 · page 9 of 24
Judge — March 20, 1915 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Instinct"** (top): A cartoon mocking street railway magnates' daughters—upper-class women expected to maintain propriety. The joke: she asks a man to sit closer, violating social convention, revealing her "instinct" overrides her breeding. **"Waking Up in the Morning"** by Thomas F. Logan: Sentimental prose satirizing the contradiction between appreciating a beautiful spring morning and the tedium of urban work—paying monthly bills, commuting via subway, office competition. **"Chopping Him Off"**: A man tries reconnecting with an acquaintance who coldly rejects him, claiming to have forgotten his face and name entirely—social embarrassment humor. **"Millennial"**: A couple discusses universal peace; the man jokes that marriage will never be "entirely abolished," suggesting matrimonial conflict as inevitable and eternal—cynical commentary on marriage. **"Orthographical" and "The Wrong Dope"**: Brief pun-based jokes about misunderstandings (vacant stare/stair; hair tonic/furniture polish). The page showcases Judge's mix of satirical social commentary and lighthearted wordplay.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
\ caasttrey. Ga INSTINCT Street railway magnates daughter—Sit a little closer, please. Waking Up in the Morning Chopping Him Off HAT other joy is so unalloyed as waking up in the morning? 6 ELLO, Grimshaw! Don’t you remember your old side- . To awaken, say, at six a. m., just after the sun has risen, kick, Smartellick?"’ when the dew is still on the grass, and the birds are chirping in “Your manner is familiar,’' replied Grimshaw coldly, ‘*but I am the trees; when the rustle of the teeming city glad to say that I have forgotten both your face and name."’ has not quite begun; when peace and fragrance are in the tang of the morning air! Millennial Much is to be done on this spring-like day. “Do you suppose we shall ever have universal peace?"’ The inventive genius of man has given youa ‘Hardly. 1 fancy marriage will never be entirely abolished."' subway to take you briskly to the office, where the thrill of paying monthly bills awaits you. There is always the chance of getting considerable new business for the firm that employs you on a joyous spring day like this one, when exuberance is in the air and the base- ball games have not yet begun to empty the offices in the afternoon. But, aside from the zest of competition, there is the pure zest of living on a spring morning like this. The breeze that is wafted through the open window carries with it just a trace of the perfume of the early morn. The hands of the clock point to six, and, lying there in bed, one is quite in tune with the glory of the day. How joyous it is to be alive and not have to get up—how gratifying to turn over and sleep another hour on this glorious spring day, while the non-union birds chirp outside, and the sun penalizes the dew for being out so early! —Thomas F. Logan. ; Orthographical THE WRONG DOPE “Binks says she gave him a vacant stare." “*T thought you said this hair tonic would grow hair. Now look at my head!"* “That was her father. His kick made the stair vacant." Why, that’s the furniture polish !"" comicbooks.com