Judge, 1915-03-20 · page 8 of 24
Judge — March 20, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"A Surer Sign"** is a three-panel joke about detecting spring. Clara asks how to know spring has arrived; the Chaperon answers "the first robin," while Harold cynically counters "the first golf player"—mocking the leisure pursuits of the wealthy. **"Fate!"** is a mock-serious poem by John Kendrick Bangs lamenting a noble pine tree's lofty aspirations for service, only to be pulped into "a yellow journal"—satirizing sensationalist newspapers. **"The Meanest Man Once More"** satirizes social behavior: the worst person is one who extracts your secrets, then falls silent, leaving you feeling foolish. **"Women"** mocks sentimentality: when a man romantically sighs "women are dreams," a practical woman retorts that dreams are unreliable—subverting romantic idealization. **"The Mystery"** and **"Preparation"** appear incomplete or fragmentary on this page. The overall tone reflects upper-class, domestic humor with gentle social criticism.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Clara—How does one tell that spring is really here? Fate! NOBLE pine it was, indeed! It touched the empyrean. It towered past the realm of greed Into the cerulean. Each tiny spill from top to base Was filled with aspiration To prove of service to the race And elevate the nation. It dreamed of dying, that it might Perform some noble action That should be noted with delight And perfect satis! ion. Perhaps a mast of beauty on Some transatlantic liner; Perchance a poet's roof, anon, Or something even finer. It little cared just what its fate, So long as its ambition To serve in something fine and great Resulted in fruition. It might be used some winter's eve To warm a hearthstone frozen, And from the cares of life relieve Some wight by worry chosen. It dreamed of useful days to be And lofty honors waiting For pines that stand all steadfastly To win their final rating— And then, alas! the pulp men came Unto that pine tree vernal, And into paper made the same To print a yellow journal! —John Kendrick Bangs. The Mystery “Young Fetherhedde has gone insane.”* **How did they find it out?"’ like the natives, A SURER SIGN Chaperon—Why, by the first robin. The Meanest Man Once More Thave at last discovered the very mean- est man. He is the fellow who somehow manages to get you to tell everything about If, and then shuts up like a clam and to make you feel you have been a your mani garrulous fool. Harold—No ; by the first golf player. Women *“*Women are dreams!’’ murmured the sentimentalist, gazing on a group of them in silk attire. “You bet they are, snapped back at the murmurous one; dreams go by contraries, all right."” the practicalist “and PREPARATION Friend—What the ? Splendiferous one—Well, y’ see, I'm going to spend the summer in the Scotch highlands and live My doctor says I need a change of surroundings.