Judge — December 26, 1914 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Spoiling of a Best Seller HEY had quarreled, they two—Helio- trope Hostetter and Crocus Corian- der. They were lovers, else their quarrel would not be a thing worth mentioning. Only the quarrels of lovers and men higher up in politics are worth space in print, especially now when the price of white paper is higher, because of the war, which has to’take the blame for everything. Heliotrope was weepfully sulking in her boodwor. Crocus was nursing a grouch in his bachelor apartment off the hall at the head of the fourth flight of stairs. Also he was packing up his belongings in a suitcase, for he was going far, far away, to forget and begin life anew, etc. He had no need to retrace his steps any we MY 9, great distance to be- gin life anew, for his first beginning was only a little way be- hind. Off stage lurked Timothy Tapemeasure, his hated rival, who would now endeavor to catch Heliotrope’s heart on the first bounce. Also lurked Hedwig Budweisser, who had been angling for Crocus and had been from time to time encouraged by a nibble. The situation for the beginning of a best seller was perfect. But Heliotrope was an unusual girl, not at Big brother—You're as bad as a girl, Billy, You're always comin’ apart! all fitted to be the heroine of a best seller. Sober second thoughts were coming to her. The use of the word ‘‘sober’’ must not be mistaken for a reflection upon her habits. She was teetotally abstemious. She held to her conviction that Crocus was entirely to blame for their quarrel, still—— So she wrote, ‘‘Crocus, come back and apologize and be forgiven."* Summoned she then her small brother and gave him the missive and instructed him to hasten therewith to the abiding place of Crocus. Of course you know, gentle or other reader, just what happened. The small brother tucked the letter in his pocket, lin- gered by the wayside, met playmates and forgot all about the letter, so that Crocus was left unrestrained to go far, far away, and Heliotrope to mourn and mourn for many years, and all the rest of it. But you’re wrong. The small brother delivered the note promptly. Thus a best seller was nipped in the bud. Arthur Lucas. Turning the New Year Leaf (?) OPE! Nothing here. I never turned The leaf but what I turned it back. No new year resolutions burned Within your Uncle Dudley's stack. I dealt the cards and let them go; Sometimes I lost, sometimes I won. The winning game was somewhat slow; The losing game was mostly fun. I've cursed the god of nicotine, Been slavish to the foaming beer; To-night I'm sitting here serene With both awaiting the new year. The leaf I should have turned is dead And cluttering upon the bough. So good-by, old year—me to bed! FRONT This new year suits me best, somehow. —Horace Seymour Keller. A LETTER FROM THE ** Dear old Jack, how he does love me! But, gracious! I hope the censor didn’t read this !"" comicbooks.com