Judge, 1914-12-26 · page 7 of 25
Judge — December 26, 1914 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains several New Year-themed satirical pieces mocking common human behavior and social customs circa 1914-1915. The top illustration depicts ice-skating revelers, establishing the festive context. The main content includes humorous observations about New Year's resolutions—their predictable failure, the hypocrisy of abstinence pledges, and people's inability to maintain self-discipline beyond January. Notable sections include satirical quips on marriage as a "labor union," critiques of stenographers' romantic prospects based on appearance, and jokes about office politics (the "Lame Duck" piece references a defeated congressman seeking patronage appointments). The paired illustrations labeled "Engaged" and "Married" offer visual commentary on changing romantic dynamics, though specifics remain unclear. Throughout, the satire targets universal human foibles—broken resolutions, marital complications, workplace duplicity—rather than specific political figures or events, making this primarily social rather than political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ON THIN Ie DP ao aa New Year Reflections of Father Time THE good resolutions die young. Where there’s a will, there’s always a way to get around it. “Nothing but wine!’’ on New Year’s Eve must mean nothing but beer for the rest of the month to a lot of folks. It’s the guy who can put ‘‘No!’’ in November, rather than in January, who wins out. Noah still holds the rec- ord for the longest run on the water wagon. In view of the extreme wetness of New Year's Eve along the great white ways, why not make it ‘‘Wring out the old, wring in the new’’? It’s strange how much easier it is to keep enthusiastic over a new year reso- lution from December 31st to January Ist than from January Ist to December 31st. Only his premature cutting down pre- vented Methuselah, after his 960th ‘‘It’s no use!"’ from uttering his 961st ‘I hereby resolve’’—— It’s funny how quickly a breezy chap can blow back a recently turned new leaf. And it’s queer how much oftener the pretty, young, blond stenographer can strike 1914 for 1915 and get away with it than the faded little lady at the next desk. Stuart B. Stone Time's Tallystick Time scores another notch to-day, and he Affronts me so I'd almost like to kick The gray old humorist; for he uses me, Against my wishes, as his tallystick. Veiled Language First officer—Why did the judge dis- charge that cabaret dancer? Second officer—He couldn't find enough on her to hold her. Uncle Fogy’s Philosophy Marriage is a labor union, Home is where the mortgage is. Triplets are never premeditated. Measures not men—the dressmaker. We shall hear no yodling in heaven. It is better to be ignored than bored. We collect our thought by dunning our brains, The oddest looking hats are worn by the oddest looking men. I am the only one of my friends in whom I can always rely. —Tom P. Morgan. His Variety “What kind of snake was it that turned and bit you so quickly ?’” “I don’t know, but I think it must have been one of those auto- matic adders I see advertised.’’ The Lame Duck “I'm glad the President didn’t fill all the offices I asked him to,” said the defeated congressman. “Why so?”” “Maybe I can get one of them myself now.”” That Awful Din To put the tin horns out of biz Is hoping all in vain, For no one seems to want in his A New Year's safe and sane. ENGAGED MARRIED comicbooks.com