Judge, 1914-12-12 · page 5 of 24
Judge — December 12, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Main Cartoon ("The Pessimist")**: This is a humorous illustration satirizing the worries of a pessimistic character who sees problems everywhere. The cow labeled with various concerns ("Right Day," "Corn in the fields," "Bad Weather," "Worrying") and surrounding chaos (car mishaps, bad omens) represents how pessimists catastrophize ordinary situations. **"The Sibilant Signal" Story**: A comedic narrative about Umson, who attempts to signal with a revolver hidden in his pocket. The humor derives from the absurd onomatopoeia ("P-s-s-s-t, p-s-s-s-t") used to describe gunshots—treating the weapon's sound as a mere whisper. **Additional Jokes**: The page includes various one-liners mocking human nature, marital relationships, and social pretension—typical Judge magazine fare of witty social commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Aor. iL gt? dad SS The Sibilant Signal t MSON took a revolver with him when 1 he went to the cellar for the Christ- , mas things he had hidden away from the 1 children, because burglars had recently entered sev- eral houses in the neigh- borhood, Although the weapon was clutched tightly in his right hand, Umson trem- bled when he heard, as his felt-shod feet pressed the bottom stair, a whispered sound that seemed to be a signal. THE PESSIMIST “BANG!” But Umson didn’t pull the trigger. Mrs. Umson called from the top of the stairs, ‘There it goes at last! I just knew that ginger beer was spoiling.” —Charles A. Leedy. Why They Never Buy Havanas? “What kind of cigars do you wish to give your husband, madam—Havana or domestic?’’ “Oh, domestic, by all means. I'm giv- ing them to him to encourage him to spend his evenings at home, you know.’? Truth Is Scarcer Than Fiction ’M TIRED of reading the war news, And cables brief and in full; I'm weary perusing bulletins, With the accent on the bull. I’m hoping I’ll read, some morning, Ere I pass to age from youth, Just another foreign paragraph Of the plain, old-fashioned truth! —Heine. When To Take a Grain of Salt: When the friend of an hour invites you to stop a week with him, as ‘‘the latch- string is always out.’” “Pas-s-8-8-t, Pp-S-S-S: " the sound came twice. Umson decided to answer. “*P.g-8-8-8-8-t, P-8-8-8-S+ Next came a long-drawn, “S-h-s-h-s-h-s-hes-h !’" Again Umson answered, ‘‘S-h-s-h- 8-h-s- h-s-h 1"? Pointing his weapon toward the dark corner from whence the sound came, Umson reached for the in- candescent-light button and listened bilant PRIMA FACIE EVIDENCE for the signal to direct his aim. “*S-8-3-s-s-8-5-8-8 !" Professor—You have a wonderful talent for painting ! Muriel—Dear me, professor, how interesting ; how can you tell ? Professor—I see it in your face! When a press agent says anything at all about his show. When the architect says he has allowed plenty of margin in the fig- ures on your house. When you hear a mother say, “Well, of course I don’t think my children are perfect.” When a baseball manager says he hardly hopes to land higher than fourth place next year. It is easier to cap the climax than provide hats for your wife, comicbooks.com