Judge, 1914-11-28 · page 5 of 24
Judge — November 28, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The main illustration depicts "The Gate of Paradise as the Broadway Habitué Dreamed It"—a satirical fantasy showing wealthy New York socialites entering heaven through an ornate gate. The humor contrasts their earthly preoccupations with spiritual judgment. Below are three brief comedic sections: 1. **"Stumped"**: A poem about John Judson, a locksmith, suggesting his expertise made him indispensable—a working-class man valued for practical skills. 2. **"Two Ways"**: A quip about war predictions, mocking certainty in military forecasting. 3. **"Her Age" and "Settling It"**: Dialogue jokes about a woman's marriageability and money, with characters debating whether she's wealthy or merely respectable—typical turn-of-the-century social satire about marriage and class status. The overall tone mocks upper-class vanity and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
* £ is THE GATE OF PARADISE AS THE BROADWAY HABITUE DREAMED IT Stumped Her Age Settling It OHN JUDSON was a locksmith anda safe expert of fame, And men with closed and stubborn safes to Judson always came, Satisfied he’d open them as sure as fate, He'd never seen the strong box that he couldn't overmatch, But when handed a sardine can by his wife And told to strip the cover with the key which they attach— Well, he couldn’t open it to save his life! —Dan Shea Two Ways “Berrybutton is certain that the So-and-sos will win in the European war.”” “H'm!"' commented J. Fuller Gloom. ‘‘Does he argue or merely yell?” Howard—How old can Miss Jones be? Victor—Old enough to call college men As anall-around mechanic he was great; ‘college boys.’” She—Does she make a lot of money? ee QWELL, I’ve settled that there note I've been owin’ Jack Gap for so long!’’ triumphantly stated a prominent He—Oh, no; a bare living. citizen of the Arkansas neighborhood of Rumpus Ridge. “That so?’’ returned an- other and equally prominent resident of the saine local- ity. ‘‘Where’d you git the money?"’ “Aw, it didn’t take no money! I just shot Gap.” Quite the Contrary “Wasn't Mrs. Dubbson simply out o’ sight in that Parisian gown of hers last night!"’ said Wiggles enthu- siastically. “‘On the contrary,’’ said Mrs. Wiggles severely, ‘‘she was altogether too much in sight. I never saw such barefaced effrontery as that low-cut back.’’ comicbooks.com