Judge — November 21, 1914 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THEIR THANKSGIVING DINNER eo THE HISTORY of love,’’ observed grandfather, lingering over an after-dinner cigar, ‘‘may be divided into three worry peri- ods. The first was when woman was haunted by the question, ‘What can I do to make him love me?’ Then it was dis- covered that mar- riage is a dissolv- ing view of life, and the tormenting interrogation point changed its shape to, ‘What can I do to keep his love?’ "” “Those were the days when we warbled, “I should worry’ to the ‘I don’t care’ tune,"’ interjected George. ‘‘Shall we ever see their like again?”’ “IT fear not,’’ opined the old gentleman. “Now, woman props her feet upon the mantel, lights a cigarette and cynically inquires, ‘Why should I love you? Show me—and talk fast or get off the ros- trum,’”* “That isn’t the worst,’’ complained George. ‘‘After you've won the ribbon, you've got to keep everlastingly up to exhibition form, or she'll give you the gate. Jack Silsbee is nearly crazy be- cause he has lost his waistline. He says his wife will go next.” “In my day,’’ recalled grandfather, “when a personable young chap entered aroom full of girls, he could fairly feel the fluttering hearts, as the pretty, dove- like creatures slyly preened and tried to show their glossiest feathers. If he ever succeeded in intercepting a glance, before The Change in Cupid By TERRELL LOVE HOLLIDAY she blushed and turned away he could read the mute appeal, ‘Do look at me! Am I pretty to you? I’m sweet, good and loyal and—oh, I’d make you the best wife!’ ”’ “In my day,’’ declared George, ‘‘a man doesn’t intentionally enter a room full of girls. If he blunders in accidentally, the girl nearest the door grabs him and pins him on a card, and they all get out their microscopes. When he has been micro- scoped, stethoscoped and looked up in Bradstreet’s, the girls who think they would care to have him, if there are any such, throw dice for him."’ “Things have come to an awful pass,”’ ejaculated grandfather, ‘‘when a man must spend his evenings at home buckled up inahigh collar and tight shoes, through fear that the sight of an Adam’s apple and carpet slippers will alienate his wife’s affections. Women had better beware! If a man can’t have comfort at home, he will seek it elsewhere.’’ “He might have, once upon a time,’’ mourned the young man; ‘‘but he won’t now. The apronstrings have been short- ened so that most of his evenings have to be spent right at his own hearthside, ex- cept, of course, when he is trotted out to some sort of function.’”’ “The change from the old motto, ‘We strive to please,’ to the new, ‘We are here to be pleased,’ is very disconcert- ing,’’ said grandfather. “She has certainly ceased striving to please,’’ lamented grandson. ‘‘I said to Bettina this morning, ‘I don’t mind your rough sports, but I do wish you wouldn’t wear corduroy trousers and a blue flannel shirt! You are so unlovely in them!’ ” “‘What did she say?’’ George blushed with shame. “She told me to get a needle and thread and sew a button on the corduroys! By Jove!’ George sprang up and looked at his watch. ‘‘I had a date with my mas- seur for eight. There’s a wrinkle coming under my right eye.’’ Grandfather looked properly shocked and sympathetic. “If Bettina cast you off on account of a scandal, it might make you interesting to other women. But to be discarded Mr. Chant—Now I know where she got them, and she told me they were all her own ! comicbooks.com