Judge — November 21, 1914 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Bird of Thankfulness I™ THANKFUL that I’ve made a living (Said the same thing last Thanksgiving) And can afford to say a blessing Over roasted turk and dressing. (I never yet have fe) failed to say SASH The same on each Thanksgiving Day.) I've been hard-up at times and be blue, But always man- aged to come through With cash enough to buy a bird. My neighborhood has never heard My family make that cheerless boast About preferring mutton roast. We all need clothes and shoes and hats And underwear and puffs and rats And dental work and hosiery Enough to make my salary Look very sick; but you can bet There’s one thing we are going to get: A great, big turkey! And the price Ain’t going to cut a bit of ice With me. I may have bills to pay, But I'll eat turk Thanksgiving Day. T'll have it to be thankful for, If I am broke forevermore. Stanley R. Hofftund. He Thinks It Is Wrestling Dancing master—You must mind your feet carefully if you want to learn the new dances, Student — Never mind the feet, pro- fessor. What I want to get is the holds. Helpful Hints «c]S THERE anything to see or any place to go in this dod-molested village?’ peev- ishly demanded a hypercritical young drummer, who was ma- rooned for the rest of the day in Polkville, Arkansas, after an unsuccessful canvass of the businessestablishments. ‘*Up- on my word, I never saw such a dead-and-alive hole, and’’—— “Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Sel- lins,”’ nonchalantly replied the landlord of the tavern. ‘‘If you want to see what there is to behold, you might walk around and ask a few questions, You'll very likely have pointed out to you what was a greased pole last Fourth of July up which a lady clumb for a prize, and be told of an Hon. who is so fat that he thinks he can cover the whole congressional district in this campaign, and mebby see moping along a dis- couraged boy who actually ran away from home because his father wouldn’t let him go to church, and possibly hear about an epileptic who held his fit while he hurried three miles, in order to have it on the railroad track two minutes before the arrival of a train which was on time, “I can inform you myself about a man who is so mean that he tried to cure his stepson’s measles by cutting out the spots THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS HAPPENS A Thanksgiving dinner, She hears her landlady rap on the door, THE ZEPPELIN GLIDE Scene any day in London. to save a doctor bill. And then, if the things I have mentioned don’t satisfy you, you can get up sort of a foot race by stating to almost any prominent citizen you happen to meet the uncomplimentary opinion you have just expressed to me about our progressive little city. You will be told where to go, and prob’ly kicked part way there. Looks kinda like rain, don’t it?” = —Tom P. Morgan. Uncle Sam's Thanks We likely will hear our Uncle Sam say This year, as we gather Thanksgiving Day Round tables that groan with food and good cheer, “Let’s give a hurrah that Europe can hear, To show we're grateful that in their big scrap Our turkey was not erased from the map!’’ How It Happened “So she has already found marriage a lottery?” “Oh, yes! You see, she married a chance acquaintance.”” Heredity “What evidence have you that the couple were cousins-german?"’ “Their baby always seems to talk Double Dutch.’’ comichooks.com