Judge, 1914-11-07 · page 11 of 24
Judge — November 7, 1914 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces satirizing everyday American life, likely early 20th century. **"The Family Man"** mocks the expense and inconvenience of outfitting children—gloves cost exorbitant amounts, and shoes require so much padding ("mammoth clot of kale") that each child appears multi-legged like mythological creatures (Hydra, Briarus). **"Wouldn't Stand for It"** presents a conversation between a white lady and her Black washwoman about the washwoman's husband. The humor relies on ethnic stereotyping and dialect, portraying the husband as optimistic despite unemployment and poverty—though the punchline clarifies he's Methodist, not religious in general. **"Basis for Exchange"** shows a trader attempting to barter a worn-out horse for goods or tobacco. **"Maybe So"** is a brief philosophical observation about scarcity of truth. **"An Important Point"** ends with a naive city girl at agricultural college asking how long to "beat a cow" to produce whipped cream—the joke being her ignorance of dairy farming. The satire targets urban pretension, economic hardship, and rural-urban cultural divides.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Family Man WHEN for my flock I purchase I always advertise for bids— And see how much they cost, by thunder! Old Hydra seems a hea 3 wonder! And when I'd glove them—I declare, The total gets my goat Those glove men in such debt ensnare us, I think each child is a Briarus! But when in shoon I would insert them, For fear the winter frost might hurt them, The mammoth clot of kale I need Makes each one seem a centipede! =Strickhnul Gillian, A Future Dyspeptic Kind lady—Is something burting your little brother and making him ery? Little girl—No'm. It's just a habit with him. I ain't never seen nobody look on the dark side o’ life like he does. Yankce-doodle-doo-oo “He's a patriotic poultry raiser.’ “How's that?” “Has Rhode Island Reds, White Wyan- dottes and Blue Piymouth Rocks.’’ BEFORE MAN Wouldn't Stand for It ¢4HOW IS your husband?” asked Mrs. Wells of her colored washwoman. “Porely, mighty po: laid up with a misery his back, but he says he’s mighty glad it ain't no tooth- ache. He never could stand toothache.”’ “Too bad!’? sympathized the lady. “Did the clothes fit him that my husband sent over?"” “No'm,”’ was the regretful reply. “No'm, they didn’t. They was too big. He had to gib them to his brother Eph. He was mighty glad they fit Eph, though.”’ “Dear me! I’m sorry the clothes did not fithim. Has he worked any lately?’’ “No'm, he ain" rs like he cain’t get no work, glad, though, that times is gettin’ better."" “Well, I declare!’’ said Mrs, Wells, greatly interested. ‘‘Your husband must be a regular optimist !"" “No, indeed, he ain’t!"’ denied Aunt Matty indignantly. ‘*He'’s a Methodist, an’ if he to jine any of them new- fangled religions, I’d get a divorce.”” Indorsed “Does she approve of cosmetics “She seems to lend countenance to them so far as I can see!"’ Basis for Exchange E HAD 4 drove of dispirited steeds and paused to give them a much needed rest. The storekeeper came out d looked them over casually. Want a hors uess not.’” “Ti t it out in goods,"’ said the stranger. ‘‘I'll take it out in tobacco, in fact."" “Might do some business along those lines,’ responded the storekeeper, “if we kin agree on a basi: “What's s “Well, I'll trade with you, plug fer plug.”” Maybe So Some folks I know will stretch the truth; But, then, perhaps they've found There’s little of it in the world, And they want that to go round, An Important Point A city girl was taking a course in Agricultural College. After a lecture on ‘tHow To Increase the Milk Flow,” she rose for a question. “How long,’’ she blushingly inquired, “must one beat a cow before she will give whipped cream?” comicbooks.com