Judge — November 7, 1914 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Maxims from the Japanese PEAK of philosophy to a woman, and she may not understand the philoso- phy any more than thou dost, but she un- derstandeth thee. My son, if a woman frown, flee; but return quickly, for she may smile. My son, until thou understand women, thou knowest not any- thing. Moreover, my son, no man knoweth anything. If thine heart, according to its nature, fluttereth forth in spring, restrain it not; it will return to thee ere the winter. And finally, my son, if a man writes maxims, avoid him; for he and they are both idle. Granville Trace. Horrible Examples Ted—A genius very seldom amounts to anything outside his own particular field. Ned —That’s so. Chaucer couldn't spell, while Shakespeare’s handwriting was about the limit. Down to Date Jones—I saw a brand-new contortion act yesterday. Green—What was it? Jones—A lady in a hobble skirt trying to listen to her ankle watch. Both Right PY} NE day,"’ related O little Lester Livermore, “I was walking around on my hands, and the minister was in the parlor, and I didn’t know it. Aunt Frettie slipped out and told me she wouldn't do that when the pastor was there, and I said I wouldn’t, neither, if I was her, b'’cuz it wouldn’t look right.’” A Liberator “Ancestor of yours?’” “Portrait of Bellamy Bismuth. His patriotic leadership in the strug- gle of 1915 made it pos- sible for freemen to wear straw hats in Oc- tober whenever the weather is warm.’* His Achievement “When Lester K. Smart was ten years old,” related Uncle Fogy, ‘‘he declaimed sonorous selections on Friday afternoons at school with so much ease and zest that his doting mother WHY DON'T THEY? Aunt Nancy—What a terrible thing this war is. Aunt Hannah—It ought to be put a stop to. Why doesn’t someone write to the paper about it ? ALL ALIKE Holder—Sust look at that silly gaping crowd ! Skolder—The idle curiosity of the masses makes me tid. go and see what the fools are rubbering at Let's fondly fancied that he would be President some day. By the time he was twenty, he was debating at the literary societies with such facility and volume that I didn’t see how he could possibly escape being sent to the Legislature. But, instead of either fate, he used his spellbinding pow- ers to such excellent purpose that he mar- ried a wealthy girl and settled down on her father to be a professional son-in-law for the rest of his life.’’ Witchcraft THs world is made a witchcraft place Through gazing on a woman's face. Now ‘tis her smile whose sorcery Turns all my thoughts to melody; Now 'tis her frown, that comes and goes, That makes my day a page of prose; And now her laugh or just a word That of my heart makes wild a bird. Some day, perhaps, a kiss of hers Will lift from my dumb life the curse Of longing, inarticulate, That keeps me sad and celibate. —Madison Cawein, Figured Out “You say he’s a single-minded chap?” “*He’s continually looking out for num- ber one!’"