Judge — August 29, 1914 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

« Howdy!” By JOHN D. WELLS y™ SHY on formal greetin’s, as it’s give me to observe Them high-falutin’ kowtows sort 0’ grate a‘feller’s nerve, An’ make a man suspicion, who's been off for quite a dos’t, That he's jist about half welcome or three-quarters at the most! I tell you what I 'preciate, if I've been off a spell An’ meet some man or other that I've knowed pretty well, Is when he gits his bearin’s an’ he sashays up to me, An’ grabs me by the flipper, an’ then he says, says he, “Howdy!” John D, Wells, a0. There ain’t no satisfaction, when you’re back from foreign parts, To have your naybors greet you with new- fangled dellysartes; There’s somethin’ milk an’ watery, that goes ag’in my grain, In them there sort 0’ greetin’s—make me want to go again— A somethin’ sort 0’ chilly an’ unwhole- some, I’m doggone, That allus make me wonder if it wasn’t jist put on! There ain't no fair comparison that I have ever heard Betwixt them formal things you hear an’ that one friendly word, “Howdy !"" There’s nothin’ pitifuller than a man that’s got to roam, An’ nothin’ more patheticker than when that man gits home! I "low there’s somethin’ simple, some- thin’ homely-like in it, An’ a simple sort o’ greetin’ is the only kind’ll fit. Jist take his hand in yours, an’ you give it lots o’ heft, An’ he'll think you’ve thought about him every minute since he left, An’ now that he’s got back again, he's welcome as the birds; Then make his joy completer with that friendliest of words, Burt R. Thomas, a. ». 4. “Howdy !" If There would be more spinsters marrying if other women didn’t marry so often. “*Germs”’ AVING condemned and torn down an old rookery because it was unsani- tary, and being sued by the irate owner, the authorities of a North Caro- lina city were compelled to prove in court their claim that the public health required the re- moval of the shack. One of their witnesses was asmall, con- sequential person, who served as a sort of combination janitor, special policeman and jailer at the city hall and had ac- quired a variety of misinformation at the health department. This witness, much pleased with his role, glibly testified that when the house was torn down, he saw ‘‘lots of germs and bacilluses’’ there. The lawyer for the house owner de- manded to know how the witness could be 80 positive as to the presence of germs invisible to the naked eye. ‘*Did you de- tect them microscopically?"’ asked he. The janitor-scientist seemed a trifle embarrassed. ‘‘Well,’’ admitted he, ‘I ain’t what you might say a legal detect- ive, for all I has helped the reg’lar de- tective; but I’m a special police. But they wuzzent no need of no detective. I seen them germs jest a-swarmin’ round, big and little, a helter-skelter, thousands of ‘em. Common people call 'em water bugs and roaches and sich, but up to the health office we call ‘em germs.” A verdict was given against the city. —Donatd Gillis Rudolph Me Fee. ae. 4. The stout lady—1 A Tripe Famine By EDWIN AUSTIN OLIVER ‘ ‘IJ WANT to get two pounds of tripe,”” said the lady, entering the shop, “Sorry, ma’am,’’ replied the butcher, “but we haven’t any tripe to- day.’” “No tripe? Why, it’s in season !’? “No, ma’am, there’s no tripe being shot just now."” “No tripe be- ing shot! Why, what on earth are you talking about? “II should say, ma'am, that the Fish- eries Commission won't allow tripe to be caught now.” “Are you crazy, man? fish!"’ “*No, of course not, ma'am; but the trappers are not bringing in any tripe just now.”” “I don’t care what the trappers are bringing in. I want some tripe.”’ ‘Well, what in thunder is tripe, any- way, ma’am?"’ “Why—why, I don’t know just what it is; but if you haven’t got any, I'll try some other place.’ Falin Austin Oliver, I don’t want A Vacancy 'O RENT—Rooms for light housekeep- ing; also basement and first-floor space suitable for small shop. Owner will remodel to suit tenant. Lease for long period at low rate. Reason for renting, owner will be away from home a great deal for an indefinite period. Apply Dove of Peace, The Hague. ‘Il take this one. comicbooks.com