Judge, 1914-08-29 · page 15 of 24
Judge — August 29, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three humorous literary pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines: **"A Sentimental Poet"** mocks an overly earnest Brooklyn poet who writes countless love poems. The joke: he composes verses to a girl named "Caroline Frances" but becomes confused about which name to use, producing absurd contradictory stanzas declaring love to both "Caroline" and "Frances" simultaneously. The editor suggests rejecting it as too puzzling even for a "poem of passion." **"Contentment"** by Grantland Rice contrasts pastoral rural dreams with urban nostalgia—a common literary theme of the era reflecting anxiety about urbanization. **"Gratitude"** offers dialect verse celebrating summer's simple pleasures while warning against ingratitude. **"The Modern Child"** is a brief joke playing on changing social conventions: a girl admits she doesn't know her "last name" because "I'm not married yet"—implying women's surnames came from husbands. **"Jack and Gill Went Up the Hill"** modernizes the nursery rhyme, replacing the original's bucket with petrol (gasoline), mocking automobile troubles—a contemporary concern in the motor-car era.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Sentimental Poet By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON as] HAVE asentimental friend in Brook- lyn, who is somewhat of a poet,’’ remarked a magazine editor; ‘‘not, of course, good enough to get into the maga- zines, but quite clever, and he makes a spe- cialty of writing poems to lovely maidens. Ihave no statistics, but 1 estimate that he has written a million or two of this kind, no two alike, which shows his versatility. Not long ago he met a new girl, and the poem had to follow; but he was puzzled fur a novelty, as the girl was different from the average. She told him her first name was Caroline Frances— poets, I understand, can’t write tender poems unless they call their heroines by their first names—and he let it soak for some time in his sentiment tank. Then he sent her this by mail: “Ah, Caroline, dear Caroline, Your sweetness so entrances That I could love you best of all, But I'm in love with Franc “Dear Frances, I, with throbbing heart, Would ask you to be mine, If it were not that I have pledged Myself to Caroline.’ “At last accounts he had not heard from the girl; buc I think, if he had sent the verse to me, I should have been tempted to have printed it as a puzzling poem of passion.’” William J. Lampton. ae About all the prominence some men get is to be included under the general head- ing of ‘‘Too Late To Classify.’’ Contentment - Ry GRANTLAND RICE ] HAD my dream, and so I lived content— A dream beneath the wide, kind skies of old, Out in the orchard where the soft winds bent The swaying branches, and strange sto- ries told Of life within the far-off town of men— Mad music on the highway and the gleam Of glory on life’s firing line—and then I lived content because of such adream. I have my dream, and so I live content— Adream within the gray walls of the town Of old-time orchard lanes—the fragrant scent Of mignonette and roses— fields of brown And golden har- vest—the remembered glow Of God's lost sunshine waning to the gleam Of star-lit dusk back home again—and so I live content because of such a dream. Gratitude By HENRY EDWARD WARNER NOW MY shoes is full 0” ginger and I'm feelin’ mighty fine, With this glorious summer sunshine bub- blin’ through my veins like wine; And I kind o’ feel like livin’ is a grand and happy thing, When th’ Lord is so particular th’ way He colors spring! Now and then there comes a wet spell thet is chillin’ to th’ blood, When th’ spring's a dreary fizzle and th’ universe is mud; Grantland Bice, a, 9. THE MODERN CHILD First little girl—What's your last name ? Second little girl—Don't know, I'm sure. I'm not married yet. JACK AND GILL WENT UP THE HILL To get a few gallons of petrol, but half way up the hill they had tire trouble which required the undi- vided attention of Jack in holding up thecar. That Gill could not carry a gallon or more of gasoline is a self-evident fact. So at this point the tour ended. But jest take it altogether, round in April, June or May— Is there anything thet’s finer than a sum- mery, sunny day? Ain’t you honest glad you're livin’ when th’ trees is breakin’ bud, And th’ music o’ th’ songbird goes a-leap- in’ through your blood? Ain’t it worth th’ tears and sorrow when th’ sun comes pourin’ through, And th’ good Lord sends His blessed bene- dictions over you? Ain’t it wrong t’ be ongrateful when th’ cloudy day sets in, And t’ sit and kick at Providence—say, isn’t it a sin? Why, th’ worst things thet you've suf- fered, when you look, there’snothin’ there But th’ blue sky and th’ sun- shine and th’ wine thet’s in th’ air! Life is only what we make it, You may be a Henry Edward Warner, a... slave or free. Everybody's got a songbird singin’ somewhere in a tree! Everybody’s got some sunshine, and th’ whole world’s sky is blue, And th’ voice o’ love is singin’ when a fellow wants it to! So jest keep on livin’, laughin’ and rejoicin’, friend 0’ mine, :. For th’ day is gloomy only jest before th’ sun must shine; And I like t’ think thet all o’ nature's glories thet I see Were designed and executed jest be- cause He thought 0’ me. A. Definition “‘What’s dis yuh easy payment plan dat yo’ bought dat swell suit 0° clothes on, sah?"’ “‘Dollah down and a dollah every time de collector done kotches me.’’ A gray thatch is preferable to a bald patch. comicbooks.com