Judge — August 29, 1914 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

When the Print Grows Dim By EDMUND VA. COOKE WHEN “they don’t print things the way they used to do,’’ When it’s hard to tell the letter from ‘‘u,"” Oh, be glad that some optician Wins a perma- nent posi- tion Just a-grinding, grinding glasses fit for you; For the opulent optician has his kiddies and his wife, And it’s good of you to help them to the luxuries of life. “nr Etaonnd Cooke, ae. When ‘they never used to smear the types this way,”” When it’s hard to tell the lower ‘‘e” from ‘‘a,’” Let your eyes be glad and twinkle That they miss full many a wrinkle And your temples do not look so very gray; For if your vision were as keen asonce it was, you'd haste To buy that hair restorer, which would be a wicked waste. When “‘they certainly have lost the print- er’s art,’” When you cannot tell a ‘‘6’’ and ‘*5’" apart, Oh, be grateful that your vision Has so lost its proud precision That you cannot see the wrinkle on a heart. You may watch your head grown barer from a half moon to a whole, As long as there’s no barrenness increas- ing on your soul, In Metal and Stone By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS THERE'S steel within her glance, and yet It never brings an atom of regret— 'Tis but the steel that eases misery And cuts off pain with love’s own surgery. There’s iron in her soul, but none Could e’er that blest ingredi- ent bemoan— Nat John Kendrick Bangs. ‘Tis but the armored casing that doth hold The glories of her womanhood untold. There's granite in her heart, yet I Rejoice to feel its induration nigh— ‘Tis but the granite of a love that thrills Eternal as the everlasting hills! EVASION Eloping bride—Now, darling, you must telephone papa at once, and tell him we are married. Groom—Why not telegraph, dear ? Ballade of the Real Thing By NATHAN M. LEVY ‘OU KNOW Philander, of the Star; No doubt you're proud of F. P. A. And lots of other chaps who are Well-nigh as eminent as they. Your mirth you cannot help betray When Lampton dallies with the Muse; But unto these I homage pay— The locals in the Podunk News. There’s nothing can your pleasure mar When good Don Marquis, getting gay, Proceeds your risibles to jar; You're full of glee at the display That fellow makes down Houston way. To them no honor I refuse; But here is where I stand and stay— The locals in the Podunk News. Kin Hubbard’s fame runs wide and far— You snicker when he says his say; The Arkansaw Man’s up to par, And as he grinds out squib and lay, You like to fling him a bouquet. You'd like to fill Bert Taylor’s shoes; But here is where I fondly stray— The locals in the Podunk News. ENVOY Bill Nye has long since had his day, And Mr. Dooley gets his dues; But what of him who runs, I pray, The locals in the Podunk News? I'd sooner imagine what he says when he gets the news, Uncle Ezra Says: By JOE CONE ; F YOU hev a bone to pick with some folks, you’d better keep your foot on one end uv it. Huntin’ fur trouble is one instunce where you kin = allus bag plenty uv game. Ef some fel- lers are known by the chips they make, they don’t hev a very wide acquaintunce. Don’t make the mistake uv thinkin’ you never make a mistake, ‘cuz ef you do, you are liabul to be mi. en. An’, then, ag’in, barkin’ up the wrong tree may be a hull lot better than never lettin’ out a single yip. Depended Greene—How much are you going to pay for your auto? Gray—I don't know yet how much I can raise on my house. Joe Cone, a. ». Many people regard me as a mossback. Oh, well, I can’t agree with everybody. comicbooks.com