Judge — August 29, 1914 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

put on tights. She had some of the angularities of a Gothic ruin. As Mrs. Van Tilbury had intimated, the newspapers pre- pared to devour the affair. They assigned descriptive writers and flash- light and snapshot men to assimilate it. One paper instructed its repre- sentatives to get all the ‘‘atmos- phere’? possible. ‘Where society persons thus display themselves,” . Said the managing editor, ‘‘every episode and incident outside of the performance itself is fine ‘copy.’ There was a rehearsal in the afternoon. After this rehearsal the performers and figurantes made merry at a spread on the lawn. Mrs. Van Tilbury had watched things with the eyes of Argus all the afternoon. And when she found that Mrs. Van Tasselle and her Harry were not among the throng at the tables, she whispered Van Tasselle, who had been creating much amuse- ment in his costume as Clown, that he had better look them up. Van Tasselle quietly left his guests and searched for a time without success, In a remote part of the spacious grounds, near a cottage, he came upon a smiling photographer who was adjusting his camera, seemingly after a snapshot, as he was hastily departing. And then Van Tasselle discovered on the other side, close in an embrace, his wife and Van Tilbury. “T say, what's this?’ he asked, as Columbine and Harlequin disentangled themselves and stood at attention. “‘Why,'’ said Mrs. Van Tasselle, ‘‘we were just rehearsing a little interpolation—a little surprise—for the pantomime.’’ “But you were talking as I came up. There are no lines in the pantomime.’’ And the incident really did not appear in the performance. But one of the newspapers had an episodical ‘‘beat."’ It was a picture of Columbine and Harlequin as Van Tasselle found them. This caused something of a flutter in society and out of society. When two divorce cases, entitled ‘‘Van Tasselle vs. Van Tasselle’’ and ‘*Van Tilbury vs, Van Tilbury,’’ were called on the calendar, they went by default. Columbine and Harlequin were continuing their rehearsal abroad. FP. P. Adams, a.» 4. EFFICIENCY First player—What kind of a contrivance is that ? They Had Trouble By JUDD MORTIMER LEWIS ‘ « AMBROSIA, you look absent-minded and distrait this morn- ing,’’ said Mrs. Jetferson. ‘‘What appears to be the matter?" “‘No'm, Ah ain’ whut yo’ sayed; Ah ain’ dis-distrayed. Ah dess i git my mind fixed on nuffin’, no’m." “IT trust you have not been having trouble in your home life.’’ “Some folks mought call hit trou- ble, yassum."’ ‘Do you care to tell me about it?” “*Hit dess start with muh man."’ “The last one?"’ “‘No'm; de las’ but one. De las’ - one ain’ recovuhed f'm de time he Judd Mortimer Lewis, git birdshot, an’ de doctuh still gibbin’ him dem epidemics tuh keep him in baid."” “But what started it? I feel reasonably certain that the half a broiled chicken, the bowl of pole beans, the dish of boiled potatoes and the fresh pineapple which I missed from the refrig- erator were not anything to start a fuss about.’’ No'm; we argufied ‘bout 'ligion.’’ “About religion! And you had trouble about that?’’ “‘White folks mought call hit trouble, yassum. He say, ‘Be- lieb muh, no nigguh gwine tuh entuh de pearly gates of heaben.’ Dat hit me across de soul lak a daid catfish, an’ Ah say, ‘Whuffo’?’ An’ he say, ‘De Bible say in orderment tuh entuh de pearly gates yo’ gottuh be whituh dan snow, da’s whuffo’.’”” “Whiter than snow!"’ “*Yassum; an’ Ah retch fo’ de kahvin’ knife, an’ Ah say, ‘Unsay dem wohds, nigguh, unsay dem unkind wohds! Ah’'s gwine tuh heaben ef Ah has tuh cut off yo’ naik tuh do hit!’ an’ den he bounce a lamp off muh haid, an’ den Ah pulls him out f'm unduh de baid by one hin’ laig, an’—an’—he un- say dem wohds, yassum. Some folks mought call dat trouble.’’ “Truly some might!" “‘Yassum; so Ah let him go. nigguh’s unfinancial, anyhow.”’ “He's what?”” “* Unfinancial. Dat nigguh de unfinancialist nigguh Ah evuh see. Ah nevuh ast him fo’a nickel but he unfinancial. An’ when Ah heahs dat he unfinancial in de orduh ob de Crystal Fleece, dat wasdelimick. Ah says, ‘Nig- guh, is yo’ unfinancial in de orduh?’ Dat befo’ we was divo’sted de fus’ time, an’ he say, ‘Mis’ Ambrosia, Ah is unfianacial inaunfinancial orduh. Ah was unfinancial in de fus’ place, an’ den Ah gits financial, an’ Ah goes roun’ tuh git financial wif de orduh, an’ Ah learn dat de orduh am unfi- nancial, an’ Ah say tuh mahsef, ‘’Tain’ no use gittin’ financial wif a unfinancial orduh,’’ so Ah stays unfinancial wif de or- duh an’ financial wif mahsef.’ But Ah doan’ b’lieb, Mis Jef’son, dat nigguh ebuh was financial. An’ when he say Ah got- tuh be whituh dan snow tuh git into hea- ben, Ah des nachelly gottuh do sumpn‘ an’ we hab whut white folks mought call trouble.’’ Dat James Metvin Leesa. em. There are two great loves in this old world A girl must never shirk. Try to work your love for all he’s worth, And then just love your work. Second player—His wite's. Every time he misses the ball be bits the carpet. comicbooks.com