Judge, 1914-07-25 · page 5 of 24
Judge — July 25, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous short story by Terrell Love Holliday about working-class vacation humor, not political satire. The narrative depicts Jimmy Garland and Fred Hamlin planning a beach vacation. The joke centers on Hamlin's suggestion that Jimmy should marry a girl to provide him with free domestic labor—a wife who would cook, clean, and manage household tasks ("A new broom sweeps clean"). Jimmy initially resists but eventually agrees to meet a suitable woman. The accompanying illustration shows beachgoers in period dress (appears early 20th century). The humor relies on satirizing marriage as transactional labor exploitation, presented as lighthearted banter between working-class men. The satire targets attitudes toward women's domestic roles and the economic calculations underlying marriage proposals of the era.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
EVERY “Mother, the captain wants us to go out sailing with him.” be, mother. He says he’s tattooed all over.” INCH A SAILOR “Is he a skilful and capable navigator >” “I think he must A Couplé of Bouts at Breezybeach ELL AY, you're looking seedy, old man,"’ observed Fred Hamlin, taking a seat on the corner of his friend’s desk. ‘‘Better run down to Breezybeach with me for a few days.”’ “I'm not strong enough,’’ declared Jimmy Garland. ‘‘Working ten hours a day is all I can stand. A vacation would put me in a rest cure.”” Hamlin laughed. ‘‘The right kind wouldn't. After a few days with noth- ing to do but loaf on shady porches, take a swim morning and evening, tuck away plenty of good eats, and smile at the pretty girls, you would””—— “Want to give a Nobel prize to the man who invented work,'’ interrupted Garland. “Sure! That’s the object of a vaca- tion, And the purpose of the work is to make you want another rest.’’ By TER LOVE HOLLIDAY “A diabolically clever scheme to keep a fellow always wanting something else, eh?” “If not for your own sake,”’ grinned Hamlin, ‘‘you ought to lay off a while for the sake of your family—the family you intend to have some day. They’d be aw- fully cut up if you died of overwork be- fore having them."’ “Well, I'll go you for a week.”” “Sensible idea! You'll enjoy it. hotel is in new hands’’—— “Phew! If ‘A new broom sweeps clean,’ they’ll dust me to my last sou. Though I don’t know how they could ex- cel the old people in that respect—unless they use a vacuum cleaner.”’ * © © © #8 6 The vacation was ended. Jimmy Gar- land sat in the hotel lobby with a suit- case, waiting for traintime, when Fred Hamlin entered, also with a suitcase. The “For two cents,” growled Garland, ‘‘I’d punch your head !’’ Hamlia produced a nickel. “Keep the change,"’ he said. Garland evolved an at- tenuated smile. “I'll show you my stone- bruised heel, if you'll lemme see your sore toe."’ “I met a girl,’ began Hamlin, accept- ing the proposition. “*All the sad tales begin so.’’ ‘A wonderful girl!’’ continued Hamlin, staring vacantly at his cigar case. “Description sounds familiar,’ mur- mured Jimmy. ‘I’ve always wanted to meet that girl—I’ve heard so much about her.”” “She’s a regular girl, believe me!’’ “I don’t know,’ reflected Jimmy, _ comicbooks.com