Judge, 1914-07-25 · page 6 of 24
Judge — July 25, 1914 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor: **Main Story (top)**: A romantic comedy about two men discussing their failed courtships. One man saved a woman from drowning, she assumed he'd propose, and he—caught in the lie—becomes engaged to "the homeliest woman" in town. His friend is equally trapped, engaged to a woman who threw him over for a wealthier man. The satire targets romantic entanglement and social conventions around marriage. **"The Ruling Passion" (bottom left)**: A hospital scene where a nurse prioritizes the home team's sports score over patient care—mocking the era's obsession with baseball and sports fandom. **Smaller pieces**: "A Private Right" jokes about a boy's right to torment his own dog; "The Strenuous One" mocks summer leisure; "Missed It" features Irish dialect humor about a man blinking during a car race; "Coign of Vantage" is a joke about a dishonest banker exploiting religious hypocrisy. The page reflects Judge's typical blend of social satire, romantic comedy, and class-based humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘‘whether it is the regular or the irregu- lar one that gets a fellow the deeper into hot water."’ . Dr Ss “She bowled me over the first shot." The speaker gloomily bit the eX wrong end off his cigar. “ST thought I'd made S somewhat of an impres- sion, too, though she isn’t the kind of a girl to fling herself at a man.”’ “The dangerous ones never do. make you do the flinging."’ “I put in my best licks, and, while not actually encouraging me, she—well, she let me. So last night I told her.’’ “And she was perfectly astounded?’’ hazarded Garland ironically. “No. She said she'd been afraid I cared.’” “Afraid? After bending every energy to make you care! Didn't the serpent have nerve when he undertook to coach Eve in guile?” “Shut up, cynic! She ca: too. But she’s engaged tu a chap with wads of dough and has solemnly promised her mother to stand hitched.’’ “*I didn’t meet a girl exactly,’’ related They Garland, in turn, “I dragged one out of deep water, and she accused me of saving her life.’’ “I'll see that you get a Carnegie medal."’ “I'll deserve it—lat- er,"’ darkly predicted Garland, ‘‘if I don’t lose courage and flunk.’’ “Aw, cut the bashful- hero stuff !"" “I'm no hero, but I have a fine, almost ines- capable chance of becom- ingamartyr. In the ex- citement of the moment I pleaded guilty of the life- saving charge. I didn’t realize that I'd be expect- ed to marry her.’’ “*What?"" “*She’s a conventional, novel-fed person,’? explained Garland. “To make a sad story short—we’re en- gaged.” “*May I ask her name?” “‘Not to be nasty or personal, she is considered the homeliest woman of her age in Breezybeach.'"’ that poor dog. THE RULING PASSION Nurie (in doorway) —Two to nothing in favor of the home team ! Old lady—Hey, you naughty boy! A PRIVATE RIGHT Don't throw that brick at Small boy—Why, he’s my dog. “Thunderation!"’ exclaimed Hamlin pityingly, having identified her instantly, “Is you-all Mistah Ga’lan’ an’ Mistah Hamlin?"’ asked a bellboy, approaching with two notes. . “Glorianna!”’ softly ejaculated Ham- lin. ‘Her fiance fell out of his aeroplane yesterday !"’ “And my fiancee,’’ jubi- lated Garland, ‘‘has thrown me down for a man with a higher commercial rating! Come on. It’s traintime.”’ “I—er—think I'll stay. Alice will need me.”” “Congratulations, then,” bubbled Jimmy. ‘‘S’long! Now I can go back to work without a hangover.’’ The Strenuovs One All fume and fret and bustle, We find the summer fool, Who thinks he has to hustle, In order to keep cool. Missed It “What did you think of the automobile race, Pat?’’ “I didn’t see it.” “You didn’t see it?) Why, I saw you at the track!’’ “Yis, I was at the thrack; but I had to wink just at the wrong toime, and whin I got through, the race was over.” Coign of Vantage “So you’re charging 9 per cent. interest. What do you think the Lord’! say to that?”” “Nothing. He'll look down on that 9 and take it fora 6."" comicbooks.com