Judge — May 30, 1914 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TIRED of wasting her money on the conventional bait— gowns, hair, eye brighteners, lip salve and other kinds— Daisy Peduncle resolved to put one five-spot on the heart s,"’ admitted the love stimulator, ‘I have rediscovered the lost secret of the ancients—the love philter.”” “She probably dug it up with her nose,’’ thought Daisy. “It's sharp enough.’’ “The price is five dollars,’’ continued the heart specialist, “and it is guaranteed.'’ “At last!’’ breathed Daisy. you are mine!” “If this fails,’’ concluded madam, pocketing the fee, “T’ll let you have another kind at half price."’ That night Daisy tucked the philter, a thin glass phial filled with a bright crimson liquid, into her corsage and went down to receive Clarence. From the first minute the philter worked like a well-greased miracle. “How sweet you look!’’ commented Clarence, without knowing why he said it. ‘‘Isn’t that a new gown?” “No; but it seems to have a new charm to-night,’’ demurely answered Daisy. “May I sit beside you?’’ The settee just held two—a dan- gerous arrangement, as Clarence knew. But the words came of their own volition, . “If you will be good,’’ she responded, meaning that if he were not very bad indeed she would never speak to him again. “Isn't that light too—er—bright?’”’ he suggested, iinpelled by that irresistible force. “If you contemplate dark deeds,’’ she twittered daringly, her heart beating happily against the precious phial. In the dim light Clarence drew her head to his breast. Providence, he now knew, could save him. “Oh!’’ Daisy’s thin shoulders rosé sharply and fell. ‘What is it—dear?”” “‘Nothing,’’ she evaded. She could not tell him that the love philter had slipped: down into her corset and that it hurt her to draw a long breath. Clarence pressed her closer, kissed her, and then the fatal words which he had been fighting back began to force them- selves through his gritted teeth. “T love you, darling. Will you be’— As he gave her a tremendous squeeze, there came a sharp pop! With a frightened cry Daisy clasped her bosom, where appeared a rapidly growing crimson stain. But even in this ter- “Proud Clarence Pussypurse, Only rible crisis the brave girl kept her eye on the main chance. “Go on with what you were saying, Clarence, treated. she en- However, the popping sound had signalized the breaking of the spell that had held Clarence. ‘Be —be my sweetheart,’’ he tamely concluded. “My heart! You’ve killed me!’’ shrieked Daisy, and swooned away. “‘Horrors!’’ groaned Clarence affrightedly. another heart! And she’s bled to death!’” Bareheaded, he fled. The Train That's Going Home Mé4Y8E home ain’t nothing but a room, eight by ten; Nary picture on the walls; silence when There ought to be the lisp of baby lips at play. Maybe home ain’t nothing more than that—but, say, Ain’t it good to hit the train that’s going home? “T've broken Maybe that you've gone a-roaming in the land, Seen the cities and the towering mountains stand Against the blue; maybe seen the waters blend With the crimson of the evening sky—but, friend, Ain’t it good to hit the train that’s going home? Everything’s so natch’ral there and true, Seems like just the pavements say, ‘‘Howdy-do!’’ Maybe that there ain't no baby lips at play; Maybe home ain’t nothing but a room—but, say, Ain't it good to hit the train that’s going home? —Dizon Merritt. Rules for Summer Resorters Do not blame the landlord for the mattress. hard feelings, also. Be patient with the canned goods. are aged. Praise your landlord's dogs unqualifiedly. cause they are pleased, not to keep you awake. Thank your landlady for the attentions of her children. It is but an innocent curiosity which prompts them to explore your trunk. Get on good terms at once with your fellow-boarders. Maybe you can borrow money of them. Do not call your landlord a robber. He may be only a thief. Be very careful of your table manners. It is quite rude to become excited and babble incoherently if food is brought to the table. If you are asked to sing, doit. It is their own fault. When strolling in the meadow, see the bull before he sees you. In plucking fruit from the trees, select the best. You are entitled to it, heaven knows! Do not allow the hired man to become familiar (unless you need a drink). Go home ten days sooner than you expected to, save your life. This will make Remember that they They bark be- This may CHESS NUTS comicbooks.com