Judge — April 25, 1914 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ng ler st, ng Dm al- 1a lls he n, ch Dating Up the Dictionary 1 AGNOSTIC—One who * declares he knows noth- ing of anything—and gets horribly angry when you agree with him. 2, Common sense—The wick in your candle. 3. Crank —An unsuccessful reformer. 4. Creed —Your assumption of complete knowledge. 5. Destiny—Self made the most of. 6. Diplomacy—The art of making others believe you be- lieve what you don’t believe. 7. Experience—The usual name a man gives to his mis- takes. 8. Failings—What your neighbors have. 9. Failure—Laying down on your job. 10. Fate—A lazy man's name for the result of his carelessness. 11. Hope — To-morrow’s veneer over to-day’s disap- pointment. 12, Patience—The primary ingredient of genius. 13. Play—-Work that you don’t have to do. 14. Rut—The line of least resistance. 15. Speed—A thoughtless man’s idea of progress. 16. Trouble—The one thing a poor man can instantly borrow. 17. Worry—lInterest on trouble, paid in advance. —Warwick James Price. A club is a place a man goes to escape the women he could get and recall the ones he has escaped. Ast Wi. % IF KINGS BECAME BASEBALL FANS—THE POPULAR IDEA CF THEM Recognized Ability ec] HAVE just sold that picture for two thousand dollars !"’ said the ju- bilant artist. “IT congratulate you on your ability,’’ replied the critic. “Thank you. It makes a difference, doesn't it?”” “Makes a difference? I don’t under- stand you."’ “IL mean that it makes a difference when a man succeeds. Up to this time you have never uttered a word of praise or encouragement tome. Two or three times you have made slight- ing references to my ability as a painter. Now that I have sold a picture for a good price, you begin to see what you could not see be- fore—that I have artistic talent.’’ “Oh, I’m not congratulating you on your artistic talent, but on your ability as a salesman.”’ When the Supply Was Limited “You used to tell me,’’ she com- plained, ‘‘that I was worth my weight in gold.’” “But you must remember that you didn’t weigh more than half as much then as you do now.’”* Many people think they have a “1 COULD A TALE UNFOLD” grievance when it’s only dyspepsia. A Tip HO made the saucepan with left- sided spout? “1,” said the Mere Man; “I thought it out.’” Women, oh, Mere Man—why not use your sight? Pour with the left hand and stir with the right. A True Optimist Percival — Mr. Hemmandhaw is the mostoptimistic person I ever saw. Penelope —Cheerful, eh? Percival—Yes; even now, when he is slowly recovering from a fever, he sees a humorous side to everything. Penelope Which surely is fortunate. Percival—I asked him what he was eat- ing, and he told me the physician per- mitted him to have the water from two boiled eggs--— Penelope—The idea! Percival—And he hoped soon to be able to add the holes out of a few dough- nuts. Feminism These Alpine fedoras and peek-a-boo shirts Alarm us, lest men shall soon be wearing skirts; 'Twill be but a step then to corsets and curls, And we'll have to revise it thus: ‘‘Boys will be girls.’" comicbooks.com