Judge — March 21, 1914 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wind blew a gale. Just as the girl was about to arrange her chair for an airing, one of her rugs took flight. Harold res- cued it from drowning, and the rest, at least on his side, was courtship. From the moment of this unconventional in- troduction Harold was the very shadow of the pretty girl. The next day they arranged their chairs together on deck, and happy conversation flowed. “*You don’t mind, I venture, to give me your name?’’ he asked, handing her his card. “Not in the least,’’ she replied. ‘‘Clare- mont.’" “A beautiful name—ah—if you will permit the opinion,’’ said he. “Do you really think so?”’ “And do you mind telling me your bap- tismal name?"’ “Not at all. Virginia.” “Really a lovely combination,’’ said Harold, and he emphasized his adjective. They talked and laughed till the call for luncheon, and again until dinner. The next day Harold arranged her rugs, got her a footstool, ran for tea, brought her confections, and in fact anticipated her every wish. She smiled upon him and entered charmingly into every sub- ject he introduced. If he had not been more infatuated than he had ever been in his life, he would have broached the sub- ject of love. But such words failed him. Day after day their intimacy grew, un- til Harold was in a hopeless state. All his assurance in amatory affairs had left him. He thought and thought again as to how he might declare his passion. It was not until the ship approached the effigy of Liberty that Harold in des- peration made up his mind to say some- thing. He was standing in front of Vir- ginia,- with his mouth open, aimlessly holding his pipe. “‘My dear ‘Miss Claremont,”’ he stam- mered, and swallowed the rest of his THE CRISIS After trying on every hat in the establishment she deliberates upon this one. speech as a heavy man approached siug- gishly. ‘*Mr. Claremont,’’ said Virginia, indi- cating the interloper, ‘‘is a poor sailor. He's been below constantly. Mr. Bangle, my husband.”’ A Bird A bird upon her bonnet sits, Her muff’s of feathers rare, There’s swansdown fringe upon her mitts, And she’s of birdlike air. To tell it all just in.a word— This little girlie, she’s a bird. —Clarence Douglas Moore. A Lawyer's Letter “You have beautiful e: '* wrote the young lawyer, ‘‘and exquisite long lashes. I love the way the aforesaid eyes peep out from under the aforesaid lashes.” Adam He—A poet is born, not made! She—That’s right! Blame it on the woman! GRANDDADDY LONGLEGS Heroic, but Effectual «sJ)0CTOR,” said the young man about town, ‘‘I want you to tell me what to do to cure myself of smoking. I’ve sworn off a dozen times, but it does no good. I’m a nervous wreck.” “Why do you come to me for advice, young chap? The only way to quit smok- ing is to quit, and you can’t do that. You lack the will power.’’ “Think so?” “T know it. I'll bet you ten dollars on it—and leave it to you.’’ “It’s a bet, doc. Good-morning.”” “*Good-morning.’” Several months later: “Doc, I've come to break it to you gently that you don’t know itall. Ihave cured myself of the habit of smoking.” “Sure of that?’’ “Absolutely. I haven’t smoked a cigar, pipe or coffin nail in three months. I've lost all desire for the weed.’’ “That's good!’" “Yes; and you owe me just ten dollars. Remember our little wager?’’ “I do. You win. But my bill is twenty dollars. You owe me a tenner, young chap. . . . Thanks. Good-morn- ing.’’ Wouldn't Do “Why did you break your engagement to Choliy?”” “‘He has one of these whiskbroom mus- taches that kept brushing my complexion off.’” Benevolence “Why does an automobile smell?”’ “To safeguard the deaf and the blind.” comicbooks.com