Judge — February 7, 1914 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

trifle, composed of youthful ebullition and frothy sentiment, but something concrete, something with a punch: Dear friend, I’ve known you quite a while; I'm rather fond of you. I need a kind and wealthy wife— So may I come to woo? I'm bald and slightly tubby, But I'd be a model hubby, And (as no one else may ask you) don’t you think that I would do? Of course only a few typical examples can be given here; but these may suggest to the thoughtful mind the boundless pos- sibilities of the subject. Certain it is that the flashy, combustible stuff which pleased our forbears should go. Effi- ciency, caution, common sense—these are factors which should insure a safe and sane February Fourteenth! —Corinne Rockwell Swain. Higher Education “Write a short paragraph about the Mayflower compact,”’ said a teacher ina certain high ‘school, ‘telling for what group of people it was drawn up, why it was drawn up, and giving the main pro- visions of the compact.”’ This is one pupil’s answer: “The Mayflower was a ship that the Pil- grims used. It was drawn up for the Pil- grims 1830. It was drawn up because the Pilgrims could not get along with the people who lived by them. The provi- sions were roasted corn and wild turkey.”” An Alternative Hunkey—Did you find the Boston girl cold? Dory—Yes; so I hugged the stove. A Mystery Miss Catt—Does she look her age? Miss Nipp—No; and she won't tell it. From St. Valentine’s Catechism AME a structural material, for use in trouser creases, capable of with- standing a pressure of twenty-seven and one-half pounds of solid sweetness to the linear inch. What is the best means of preventing pneumonia as a result of murmuring “Good-night’? in a doorway for three- quarters of an hour, beginning at one- fourteen a. m., ina temperature of seven- teen degrees below, with nothing around one except a thin wrap and a pair of strong arms? Name sixteen fit- > IN &. ting substitutes for murder when de- tected by a kid brother in the midst of the first lap of a six-minute soul kiss. Give the table for waist measurement using the coat sleeve as aunit of determination and circumnavigation. Give the rule for reading the meter of the light that lies in woman's eyes. Which is the more misleading, the light or the meter? Give the deriva- tion, heart signifi- cance, etymology, idiocy, mushology and gushology of the followingValen- terms: Toots wootsie, tweet, duckie, and such. And from Become a When April @ as July discove mers Upon the Then thanks, Helene. . For, though boon)— The Calendar of Cupid JANUARY I fancy Mary. In February my valentine Is lovely Lilly. And, willy-nilly, I'll make her mine. N When March winds bluster, I courage muster Ney =~ Select for favor Christine—nor waver; I spend the hours in wooing Jane. When Maytime reaches the world, with speeches Of soft beseeches I court Elaine. i With sundry lovers about Annette. When August simmers and sun heat glim- A maiden blameless, who here is nameless— 1 am not aimless—we wed next June! How It Happened “T once knew a man who led a blame- less life,’”” volunteered Alexander Akin- side, the dyspeptic dissertationist. ‘He was entirely without relatives and never married. Consequently he had no one to blame him.” Disappointed Staylate—I'm often carried away by my imagination. Miss Sweet (yawning)—It hasn't car- ried you far to-night. By ROBERTUS LOVE She makes me silly, a) the cluster of maidens fair - raver o’er eyes and hair. showers foretell the flowers, A A. = 5 , November, that I remember . » December is not the last; Lam, I fancy delicious Nancy, . oe o 8 6 rs a swain who hovers swimmers, Aline’s my pet. September finds me at home, and binds me, And that reminds me I like Suzanne. But when I sober in sere October, The year’s disrober, I turn to Anne. This necromancy will soon be past. Because, Dear Reader, my real leader (I love her, need her, the gods’ best comicbooks.com eerste 5 f