Judge, 1914-02-07 · page 6 of 24
Judge — February 7, 1914 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page presents Valentine's Day-themed humor typical of early 20th-century American satire. The dominant content includes romantic poetry about eyes and love, alongside several brief comic scenarios. **The cartoons mock social pretensions and romantic conventions:** 1. **"As Usual"** satirizes class-conscious church attendance—a wealthy stranger demands a prominent fourth-row seat, suggesting vanity disguised as piety. 2. **"Consultation"** uses a common joke format: a doctor pronounces the patient "sound as a dollar" but charges five dollars for the visit, implying the bill itself proves the diagnosis false. 3. **"Testimony"** presents a mild scandal joke about a stolen kiss, with dual innuendo about witnessing. 4. **"Business"** skewers financial advice: a broker's "friendship" evaporates once your money runs out—a Depression-era concern about market advice reliability. The romantic poetry emphasizes eyes as love's instruments, conventional for the era. Overall, the page balances sentimental Valentine's content with cynical observations about materialism, social climbing, and dishonesty.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
As to Eyes ‘OW, WHO'D be wise When two brown eyes I pay no heed To wisdom’s screed, Nor care for science, learning, art. What sages say, I fling away And give myself to folly sheer; For love hath chimes Fools sense, betimes, But wisest sages never hear! ‘Tis said that woman’s aim is poor; That this is true I am not sure. But this I know: When Daphne’: Speed glances at me scornfulwi Though I may smile, concealing Deep in my heart I’m squarely hit! eyes “‘Similia similibus?"’ I know! I've tried that wise saw of the long ago, And found it true. In Chloe’s azure eyes a ready cure For all my ills I find is ever sure, When I am blue. One glance within their skyey depths, and—my How all my blues before their azure fly! 1 do not like a ‘shifting’ eye, Especially When Polly shifts that wondrous orb, Whose glances I would quite absorb, From me to otherwhere, as if she'd found That I was not the only man around! Blue eyes were made to cheer us when we're blue; Black eyes were made to flash light out of gloom; Brown eyes were made to take us in our rue And all our dark, dun paths with joy illume. But black or brown or blue as skies above, The mission of them all is peace and love. John Kendrick Bangs. His Strongest Point Proud father—What do you think of my son as a pugilist? Old sport—Well, he can shake hands better than any fighter I ever saw. They say that love makes the world go round, but it must not be forgot- With roguish glances plague his heart? RICHMAN, POORMAN BE DOCTOR, LAWYER, MERCHANT, CHIEF As Usual Church usher (on “Church-going Su day’’)—Where would you like to sit, si Prosperous - looking stranger — Why — e-r-r—about the fourth row, center, and an aisle seat, please. Consultation “Did the doctor pronounce you sound as a dollar?"’ “Yes; and sent me bill for five.”” An Educational Valentine HERE'S nothing that’s modern about a wheelbarrow, If we're talking of vehicles new; There's nothing that’s modern in Cupid's best arrow, And I fear it will never strike you. If Cupid would work through the movies, and show you How wildly my heart thumpy-thumps, You'd see that my love is the reel thing, and, oh! you Would pity me, here in the dumps! For such moving pictures would certainly move you More than valentine missives, I ween; So on Valentine’s Day it will surely be- hoove you To watch for my heart on the screen, Grace McKinstry, Testimony Anna—Did Jack steal a kiss. Bella—Yes; and I was the only witness to the theft. BUSINESS | | a ten that there are some considerable stunts attributable to hate. Long—But the broker who gave me this tip is a personal friend Short—My boy, any broker will be a personal friend to you while your cash lasts. comicbooks.com