Judge, 1914-02-07 · page 5 of 24
Judge — February 7, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The main cartoon depicts three men and a chauffeur with an early automobile. The caption reads: "How do you like your new chauffeur?" / "Fine! He has knocked off six baby-cab wheels in two weeks, and never waked a baby." This is satire about the early automobile era's dangers to pedestrians and children. The joke relies on the absurd contrast between reckless driving (destroying multiple baby carriages) and an impossible standard of care (never disturbing sleeping infants). It mocks both negligent drivers and the naive optimism of automobile owners who prioritize property damage over actual safety. The page also contains unrelated humor pieces like "Just So" and "Something Wrong"—typical Judge magazine filler combining wordplay, anecdotes, and small comic illustrations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Flub—How do you like your new chauffeur? A Glossary of Valenterms K/SS—An operation upon the lips for the relief of heart trouble. Hug—A thing of beauty entirely sur- rounded by a stretch of masculinity. Date—An agreeable refreshment when arranged with a peach, although leaving an exceedingly bad taste if set out with a lemon. Minute—The eternity before she comes down. Yum-yum!—An_ exclamation used in punctuating an osculation. Eleven o’clock—Taps—on the floor of the room above. Doorway—Linger Lobby. Kid brother—A Member of the House at all times susceptible to bribery. Old man—A soulless though exceed- ingly well-soled curmudgeon, with eccen- tric ideas about eleven o’clock, business prospects and intentions.—Stuart B. Stone. The Biter Bitten Harry—Did he try to insure the book agent? Garry—Yes; and he sold him a set of books, The capitalizing of notoriety leads to the bankruptcy of reputations. AN ARTIST Dub—Fine! Curiosity WHEN we were ’neath Dan Capid’s sway And she had promised to be mine, I sent her on the good saint’s day A tener little valentine. Now we are nothing more than friends, Though in my heart I hold her dear, I wonder who it is that sends A valentine to her this year. J. J. O'Connell, Cured Neeley—I thought Farley was a social- ist. Fiedler—He was; but his grandmother left him a twenty-thousand-dollar estate, with instructions to share it equally with every other member of his party. Just So “Why do you write so many letters to the newspapers, old man? Do you sup- pose anybody wants to see your views in print?’’ “Well, it’s better than talking to your- self.”” Sur le Tapis When to fix an impression you’re led, The impression is surer to linger If you don’t hit the nail on the head, But instead, hit the nail on the finger. He has knocked off six baby-cab wheels in two weeks, and never waked a baby. An Amendment OWN in Texas, ‘‘before the war,’’ an Episcopal missionary living out on the plains was aroused one night by a likely-looking negro man and maid, who asked the preacher to marry them. The missionary’s wife and a guest were impressed to act as witnesses, and the ceremony began and proceeded as usual, until that part or portion of the service where the groom was ashed if he took this woman “‘for better or for worse.’’ At this question, the groom replied loudly, ‘‘Nossuh! I takes her for to cook and for wash.’” Something Wrong “‘Are you and papa doin’ to stay at home dis evening?”’ asked the child of its mother. “Yes, dear,”’ her mother replied. The little one looked thoughtful for a mo- ment, and then lisped, “What ith the mat- ter?” No two men will agree exactly as to duty, and there are a lot of concep- tions as to amusement. comicbooks.com