Judge — January 31, 1914 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BEYOND HER KEN My! I thought I was a wise old hen, but I'm blessed if I ‘can see the use of these things!" Snap Judgments AT LEAST, when you mortgage your house hereafter for a new automo- bile, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping to distrib- ute $10,000,000 among the deserving poor. is) The Father - and - Son - Get - Together Movement will inspire more confidence when it has abolished the woodshed. Just about the time when the lady “thikers’’ were tucked away on the inside page under a two-line head, Dr. Anna Shaw came to the front by saying she won't pay her income tax. Mr. Al Jennings, our well-known and successful bandit, having finished his en- gagement in the penitentiary and now running for Governor of Okla- homa, says there is no moral dif- ference between a bandit and a spoilsman. Mr. Jennings certainly ought to know, for he has been on the inside for many years. Native women are excluded from the theaters in China, and now the managers have petitioned the chief of police of Peking to keep out for- eign women, too. The moral uplift drama does not seem to have reached Peking yet. The inventor of the patent cash register died a poor man, says a press dispatch. Well, a good many other men died just as poor after the cash registers came into use. Electric cars first began running just twenty-five yearsago. Someof the same cars are still running to attend the anniversary. If lese majeste were in the cata- logue of treasons in this country, what would happen to the member of Congress who at a Washington function declined to drink grape juice, on the ground that it contains, as he alleged, more alcohol than analysis would show in beer? So far, the net result of Vir- ginia’s effort to recover Mrs. Washington's will is to prove that Mr. Washington was in- dicted for trying to dodge the income tax. Better let history, like sleeping dogs, lie. [a] M. Fortin-Belfond, of Paris, spending his holiday in Wash- ington, told the reporters that he found Americans more hos- pitable than his own countrymen. Rail- way companions often offered him their cigars, he said. Plainly the polite Mr. Fortin-Belfond of Paris doesn’t smoke. {a} A lady, described in the ever-accurate Chicago press as ‘‘the most beautiful working girl in Chicago,’’ announces that the cure for ‘feminine unrest’’ consists in washing dishes and ‘‘making home comfy for the man I love.’’ For name and address see advertising page, under “Proposals Wanted.’’ Please mention this paper. o A member of the American Museum of Natural History staff reports that he has found a monster dinosaur, ‘‘with a coat- ing like a suit of armor, and at the end of the tail it carried a club that dragged on the ground.’’ Well, if he says so, it's so. Yet one could wish that his name were not Barnum. P ) February is the worst month on the calendar. But, on the other hand, all Christmas cigars are smoked up by Feb. ruary. a “Watchful waiting’’ is fine allitera- tion. But then so, too, is ‘‘somnolent suspense.”’ Woman SHE is on the inside of every bit of gossip; She is at the bottom of every love affair; She is behind every scandal; Always comes out on top of every ar- gument; And is even now getting ahead in pol- itics. What next? Man's Wants Man wants but little here below To bring him peace and happiness— That is, as long as he can know That his neighbor has a little less. 7 A la Carte Bohemian—Do you know any French? Cosmopolite—About four dollars and sixty cents’ worth. HIS OBJECT IN LIFE Reporter—To what do you consider, sir, that you owe your great age? Centenarian—To smokin’, young man. do it ‘fore I die. I'm collectin’ cigar coupons to get a piano, an’ by heck! I'll comicbooks.com