Judge, 1914-01-31 · page 15 of 24
Judge — January 31, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The page contains a satirical cartoon at top (by Ralph Briggs Fuller) showing a yacht at Florida Keys, with the joke being a passenger refusing to touch the jib sheet—a humorous misunderstanding of sailing terminology. Below is a comprehensive satirical "guide" to female types by Stuart B. Stone, mocking early 1900s attitudes toward women. Each entry ridicules stereotypes: the "Butterfly" (beautiful but helpless), "Chorus girl" (seductive, exploited), "Suffragette" (militant feminist—note the derisive "hat-pinnist" reference to hatpin-wielding activists), "Clubwoman" (negligent housewife), and "Old maid" (worthless). The "Cook" entry dismissively suggests choosing a woman based on culinary skills. The remaining items are brief comic anecdotes, including one about a "post-impressionist" headache after a party. The "Recipe" section parodies theatrical musical comedies, listing their formulaic ingredients: princes, false sentiment, chorus girls ("ponies"), risqué humor, and spectacle. The overall message satirizes both female stereotypes and contemporary entertainment conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Yachtsman—Let go the jib sheet! The Garden of Love A Guide to the Maidens Therein Grown BUTTERFLY—A gorgeously beautiful species requiring the energies of a grubworm to keep up. Athletic girl—A strong-arm variety thoroughly capable of holding her own when he becomes obstreperous, Affinity The ideal selection, although extremely difficuit to identify. Selections from this section of the garden usually develop into cases of mistaken identity. Chorus girl—A seductive figure, con- sisting mainly of curves. Monopolized by the worst scions of our first families. Heiress— A variety de luxe, grown especially for the export trade. Stenographer—A variety that submits to dictation—before marriage. Doll—A_ pink-and-white toy, usually neglected as soon as the tinting wears off. Blue-stocking—A cultured species, na- tive to Boston, to be depended on for Emersonian philosophy and burned sir- loin, Omar Khayyam and undarned hose. Safer to take a chance with the ordinary product in open-work lisle. Cook—An excellent choice for those AT FLORIDA KEYS who hold that the stomach is the seat of love. . Suffragette— A militant hat-pinnist, whose idea of interior decoration is the displacement of the ‘‘God Bless Our Home"' motto with ‘‘Vote for L. Sarah Eaglebeak for Alderwoman.’’ Clubwoman—A lofty-browed helpmate, whose system of housekeeping is to allow the house to keep itself. Old maid—A remnant, frayed and faded, but possessing excellent wearing qualities. Widow—A left-over.—stuart B. Stone. To-day Her gownlet cost five hundred beans; Her furs, four figures in a row; Her hat removed from papa's jeans A hundred shekels more or so. In fact, though she’s but in her ’teens, She's quite the dearest girl I know. Morning After the Night Before Well, I guess I am a post- nist. Jones—How do you figure that? Smith— My post-impression of last night’s party is a headache. Passenger—\'m not touching the confounded thing! Recipe TAKE 8 background romantic—Vienna or France; Take a prince for a hero—a prince who can dance; Equal parts of false sentiment, coiffures and pearls; A trifle of music; above Take a plot that— A deta ter omit it, For a new style of gown and a model to fit it; But omit if you dare the Lilys and Sadies, The mainspring of all—the dear chorus ladies, . Throw a handful of jokes in—jokes clever, but risque; Take some far Eastern dancing, some, . high kicking frisky; Gay husbands and wives with no scruples to bore us; A ‘‘bevy of beauty and youth’ in the’ chorus. Take a glitter and splendor that’s tinsel and false; Have your love making done to a languor- ous waltz; The prettiest ‘‘ponies’? must deck the front row. And what's the concoction? A musical show. —Valentine Howelt. 1, take girls. : much bet- comicbooks.com