Judge — December 6, 1913 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Gol Sea AMERICAS saath ] FAVORITE Champagne NG Celebrate Christmas in an American way with ea American Wine, For the AG Siting observation and the making of REAL CHRISTMAS CHEER ter champagne at any price. Kg Sd ocean freight to be useless waste, |< serve Gold Seal Champagne. The American wine that proves import duty You can pay more for wine than Gold Seal costs, but you cannot get a bet- ‘Two Kinds: Special Dry and Brut—Order a Bottle or Case Today rN Bold Everywhere ee a slaw spcn delicate favor for over 100 years. ‘Aged in charred oak barrels and bottled in bond. A. OVERHOLT & CO, Pittsburgh, Pa. “Al wine—no duty” oe, Bf OF BRAINS IGARS “MADE AT KEY WEST+ FOR 9 MEN | feel or Soary R. E. CHALMERS &CO.,638 Se.DearberaSt.,Chicage, Stories with Smiles New Line of Art—The red-headed and dissatisfied boarder was a large man, with a large appetite. After dinner he went out into the narrow yard, shook both his fists at the silvery moon, hurled several imprecations toward the congress of the stars and burst forth into a picturesque and voluminous flood of abuse, which was devoted entirely to the landlady. One of the other boarders, who had been at the house a long time, thereby accumulating a pallid look and a palate with corns on it, drew near idly and ventured to ask what the special kick was, ‘‘What's the matter !’’ echoed the large man. ‘‘That old dame’s the first woman I ever knew who could literally paint food on a plate!""—Popular Magazine. On the Milk Route—‘‘What are you giving your cows now in the way of ga- lactagogues?’’ asked the Irvington pro- fessor of the milkman. “‘Oh,”’ said the milkman, who has just been graduated from Purdue and is not to be stumped by any Butler College peda- gogue, ‘“‘their sustenance is wholly of vegetable origin, rich in chlorophyl and opulent in butyraceous qualities.’’ “A pint, if you please,”’ said the pro- fessor. “Git up!” said the milkman.—Indian- apolis News. The Price of Truth—D. Cady Herrick, at a luncheon in Albany, said of the truth: “The truth is rarely palatable. They who would bring overmuch truth to bear on their profession or trade are usually corrected after the manner of young Jones. “*Young Jones, a cub reporter on the Cinnaminson Scimitar, wound up an arti- cle about a town meeting with the words: ““*Mr, Smith then rose and made a few feeble remarks, during which the audi- ence dispersed.’ “The editor of the Cinnaminson Scimi- tar snorted when he saw that sentence. He dashed his blue pencil through it fiercely; then he wrote in its place: “‘The last speaker was our eminent fellow-citizen, Mr. George William Smith, who, in crisp and well-chosen sentences, reviewed the subject under discussion, giving to it that clear, well-considered and logical treatment which has made Colonel Smith one of the foremost orators of our State. The audience dispersed after expressing warm approval of his polished and eloquent utterances.’ ““‘There!’ said the editor. ‘That's how to do it!’ “But the reporter sullenly retorted, ‘The difference between our versions, sir, is the difference between the true and the false.’ ““*No!’ snorted the editor. ‘It’s the difference between old Smith stopping his paper and cutting me out of seventy-five cents a year or coming in here and buying one hundred marked copies to send round to his friends.’ ’’— Washington Star. Use for It—‘‘Pa, I don’t see why I have to study algebra. I hate the stuff!’ “I know, my boy; but keep at it. You may have to figure out your income tax some day.’’—Detroit Free Press. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com