Judge, 1913-10-04 · page 5 of 24
Judge — October 4, 1913 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a satirical cartoon and accompanying story by Ed Mott. The top illustration shows military officers (identifiable by their uniforms and hats) in a field setting, apparently debating military tactics with one holding a rifle. The story below concerns "Uncle David," who purchases a washing machine from a traveling salesman after being convinced it's a practical investment. The humor derives from Uncle David's naive credulity and the salesman's manipulative sales pitch emphasizing the machine's supposed necessity and the limited time offer. The satire targets gullible consumers and high-pressure sales tactics common in early 20th-century America. The "open mind" refers ironically to Uncle David's susceptibility to persuasion, suggesting that being too open-minded leaves one vulnerable to commercial exploitation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
oe THE OPEN MIND Officer (to stupid recruit) Now, supposing finding yourself suddenly within three hundred yards of the enemy you looked at your rifle sights and saw them set at two thousand yards—what would you do? Uncle So UNT HEPSY BOMSPRI- KER has got a new wash- ing machine that Uncle David bought for her, and, though it won't do any washing, any more than if it was a patent cow milker, so Uncle David declares, he says he wouldn’t take any amount of money for it, because it is go- ing to be a perpetual reminder to him that he mustn't forget to be thankful until his dying day that the agent who sold it to him wasn’t selling lightning Tods instead. The way Uncle David came to buy that washing machine, according to how he puts it on record, was that he had a lot of old stumps standing in a field near his barn, and he thought the best way to get tid of 'em would be to blast 'em out; so he went to town and got some giant car- tridges. He stuck an old hoosier of a cartridge in the biggest one of the David By ED MOTT stumps, with a two-minute fuse fast to it. He lit the fuse and went behind the barn to wait for the blast to gooff. Just as he was lighting the fuse, though, he saw a fellow drive up to the house and stop; but he didn’t think anything of that until he got safe behind the barn and heard the fellow calling to him. “Hi, there, you Dave Bomspriker!” Uncle David says he heard him shout. “I’ve come to sell you a washin’ machine. Dingnationest best washin’ machine that ever come as a boon to poor, back-breakin’ woman over the tub! Come an’ git it! Where be ye?” It was a washing-machine peddler who had driven up, and Aunt Hepsy had sent him out to see Uncle David. From the way it sounded, Uncle David says, the man couldn't be more than ten feet away from the stump where the blast was sim- mering and about ready to hoist itself upward; so Uncle David says he shouted back, “Git out o’ that, you consarned idjit Recruit—By gorry, 1 'd take th’ bint! Bought It you, or there won’t be enough left o” you fer the coroner to set onto!’’ But the agent only just laughed and yelled to Uncle David, “Oh, you can’t skeer me, Dave! I ain't afeard o’ no Bomspriker that ever cut hoop poles! Where be you? Come out an’ git this washin’ machine, 'cause I'm in a hurry!" “*I stuck my head around the corner o’ the barn to take a peep at this rash an’ inconsiderate washin’-machine agent,’” says Uncle David, ‘‘an’ if he wa'n’t set- tin’ square on top o’ the stump where the ca’tridge was layin’ back waitin’ fer the fuse to tetch it, I hope to holler! He seen my head, an’ he says, “‘Oh, there ye be! Well, this here washin’ machine that you’re goin’ to buy is the ding’ ’” He didn’t get any farther than that, Uncle David says, not just then, for the fuse touched the cartridge and off she went. “The washin’-machine feller, ” says comicbooks.com