Judge, 1913-10-04 · page 12 of 24
Judge — October 4, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The main story satirizes wealthy Mrs. Bellfair's vanity and poor financial judgment. A salesman convinces her to buy eleven identical hats by falsely claiming each is an exclusive model—one supposedly made for Indian royalty. When her husband's finances collapse before a "crash" (likely the 1929 stock market crash), creditors auction their possessions. The hats end up on working-class women—the vegetable vendor, the bootblack's wife, the janitor's wife—who wear them to outings. The joke: Bellfair's expensive vanity purchase becomes common property, her status symbol humiliated. The page also includes brief humorous items: a poem about a surgeon who accidentally sews his tools inside a patient; a "commutation item" mocking nouveau-riche neighbors as borrowers; and anecdotes about a generous but cheapskate humorist and a con artist selling fake telescopes. The satire targets upper-class pretension, gullibility, and the redistribution of wealth during financial crisis.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOO LITERAL Mabel—Yes—and called it ‘* Lines on Matel’s Face.'’ hats of which no two are anything alike. No mere man, unless man milliner, can tell this season’s gear for beauty’s head fyom that of any other season running back into the centuries. $ So Mrs. Bellfair went shopping for hats, “This,”? said the chipper salesgirl, ‘‘is extremely and exclusively desirable. The only other model was made for one of the princesses of India now doing the Conti- nent."” And thus it went. Bella tried on a dozen, in each of which there was some- thing to appeal. Of course she was impressed by the fairy tales of the salesgirl, who must have workedon commission. And of the dozen, Bella ordered eleven. Bellfair's luck went from bad to worse. Just before the crash, he induced Bella to run down to Atlantic City for aweek. The day after her going, credi- tors were in possession of his household. ‘A glib auctioneer held forth in Bella's boudoir at last and made merry with hats. Even the vulgar were admitted. A red flag is no respecter of persons. When Bella returned to get her trunks, knowing what she thought was the worst, the woman who kept the vegetable stand on the corner of the avenue bowed to her as she passed inataxi. Bellahad not the pleasure of her acquaintance, but the woman had on one of Bella’s hats and was dressed as fora picnic. Bella noted also that the spouse of Antonio, the bootblack, i was in gala garb and wore one of her hats. The wife of the janitor, when Bella ar- rived at the apartment, was dressed for Coney Island, with her brood around her, and she also had on one of Bella’s very jatest hats, Vanity is not alone its own reward, “ Buacoed again, by gum ! Mariana—Why don't you like him? He wrote a poem to you, “Well, put it that w A Recovery HERE was a ‘‘doc’’ in our town, Both wise and dignified; He cut a man’s appendix out, But sewed his tools inside. And when he saw his tools were gone, With all his might and main, He quickly ripped the basting threads And got his tools again, Walter G. Paty, Commutation Item “They say that new family that's just moved into the neighoorhood are awful borrowers.’” “I should say so. I don’t be- lieve they’ve bought a gallon of gaso- line of their own since they moved here.’” The Generous Humorist “You say you are out of work, eh?”’ said the humorist, eying the tramp narrowly. ’ said the tramp, ‘‘I suppose some folks’ld but, knowin’ my case as I do, to tell the hon- est truth, it ain’t so much me that’s out 0’ work as it is that the work is out o’ me.”” And the humorist, realizing that the juke was worth not less than two dollars, generously gave the honest fellow ten cents to relieve his immediate necessities, ANOTHER Them stars hain't got no points to 'em.” SWINDLE