Judge, 1913-09-27 · page 9 of 24
Judge — September 27, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"The Newsy vs. Caesar"**: Compares Julius Caesar's youth unfavorably to modern American newsboys, lamenting that Caesar missed baseball games and the excitement of urban street life. The satire mocks both classical Rome as boring and celebrates contemporary American popular culture as superior. **"Honesty of Childhood"**: A brief anecdote where a young boy's candid comparison of a baby to monkeys is corrected by his older brother—until the boy "clarifies" by saying he meant only the baby's *face*. The joke relies on the brother's well-intentioned social correction accidentally making the insult worse. **"What It Is Coming To"** and **"A Distinction"**: Short quips about bridge clubs adopting baseball recruitment methods, and wordplay about marrying women versus fortunes. **"The Sands of Time"** illustration (right): Shows figures inside an hourglass, likely representing time's passage or mortality. The overall tone reflects Judge's genteel, middle-class sensibility and preference for observational humor over political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
s4 “SOLDIERS AND SAILORS, TOO” The Newsy vs, Caesar Y, when J. Cesar was a kid And peddled papers in old Rome, I wonder what the poor stiff did To chase the onwees from his dome? That Forum must have been a shine, About as gay as sleepy time In some well-kept old ladies’ home! + There was no guys to chalk a up scores Of Roman Eagles vs. Gauls. Those tin hats only posted wars Upon the Senate’s fireproof walls. But, say, that Col would made a peacher Of a Roman baseball bleacher, If But they'd have kicked down half the walls! I should worry and grow thin Cause Cesar never screwed his eyes Toa ny fence, or piped the din, Or heard the railbirds’ joyous cries, Or felt the grand-stand go dead still Honesty of Childhood LADY, out wheeling her two- months-old baby, met a neighbor’s boys, aged four and six years, and asked them if they wouldn’t like to see the baby. The little fellows, highly elated at the invitation, tipped their chins over the edge of the baby buggy, when the younger broke forth, “Oh, isn’t he cute! He looks just like the little monkeys we saw up in the park!"” “No, Harold,’’ protested the older brother, nudging the little four-year-old. ‘*He doesn’t look like a monkey. No, Harold, no, he doesn’t look like a monkey !’" All the time he kept up a vi- cious nudging at little Harold, who, seeing a great light dawn, suddenly corrected his blunder by explaining, ‘‘Well, I just meant his face.’" When some big leaguer muffed the pill! Watch me get past the ticket guys! —Ralph Bacon, What It Is Coming To “What do you think of our bridge club?"” “You have some excellent material in it. How do you manage to secure such good players?’’ “We pattern after the baseball people and maintain efficient scouts."’ Next! The wedding ends the romance, And there we close the book. Nor need we care; The next affair Is trouble with the cook. A_ Distinction Ruff—Hello, Fluff! I hear you married a woman with an inde- pendent fortune. Fluff (disconsolately) —No. 1 married a fortune with an inde- pendent woman. The harvest moon is the season when the boarding-house farmer counts up the shekels he has produced from his guests. THE SANDS OF TIME comicbooks.com