Judge, 1913-08-30 · page 9 of 24
Judge — August 30, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces satirizing early 20th-century American life. **"The Human Lyre"** compares smooth-talking con artists to the mythological musician Orpheus. The satire suggests that charismatic swindlers use persuasive speech ("the human lyre") to manipulate people into handing over money through insurance schemes and get-rich-quick scams. The advice to "put a padlock on your pocketbook" warns readers against such con men. **"At Eventide"** humorously depicts tired businessmen escaping the city in motor cars at night—a jab at both the new automobile culture and urban work exhaustion. **"A Managerial Dilemma"** jokes about a theatrical manager unable to decide whether to stage a play endorsed by doctors or clergy, satirizing how entertainment competed for different audiences' moral approval. **"Feminine Finance"** presents a domestic scene where a daughter defends her new dress purchase by claiming she earned the money independently—likely satirizing both women's limited financial autonomy and fashionable excess.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Human Lyre THE HUMAN lyre is an instrument strung with vocal cords and capable of giving forth chin music. The most famous other kind of lyre was a harp that belonged to! a dude named Orpheus. It played such tender music that, when its owner went to Hades after his honeybunch, he made Tantalus forget he was thirsty, stop- ped Ixion’s motor cycle, caused the daughters of Danaus to quit sieving water, and had all the ghosts boohoo- ing as if their hearts were busted. But that lyre doesn’t stand deuce high with a 860-degree human lyre. Under his melodious strains an insurance policy sounds like a Poem of Passion, and a get-rich-quick swindle assumes the airs of La Poloma or the Sextette from FOND MEMORIES green from a wallet, just as spilled mo- lasses wooes the billion- germ - footed flies, There is no score too hard for such a genius to play, and beside his basso profundo Truth’s treble is abso- lutely pianissimo, The genus increases with the increase of big business, and it seems that he, like the poor, will be ever with us. He wears no trade-mark, and it is no use trying to label him, for while you would be attaching the label he would sing you into believing he is a benefactor of humanity, and you would forget your job and hand hima twenty- dollar gold piece to moisten his horn. The best thing to do is to put a padlock on your pocketbook and let him sing.—@. W. Parker. At Eventide “Night brings out the stars,’’ The chorus, too, and then, In whizzing motor cars, The tired business men. ~ Sometimes “A cigar is like a Christmas present.”” “Why?” “Because the wrapper’s the Dad—What ! Mabel—Yes, father ; but I bought it with my own money, A Managerial Dilemma Friend—What’s the matter? Theatrical manager—I'm debating whether to put on a play that’s recom- mended by doctors or one that’s approved by the clergy. A dollar bill looks larger after being laundered, but it buys no more. FEMININE FINANCE Another new dress? Lucia. His dulcet intonations woo long most expensive part of it.’" which I earned by selling your last winter's fur coat. comicbooks.com