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Judge, 1913-08-16 · page 15 of 24

Judge — August 16, 1913 — page 15: what you’re looking at

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Judge — August 16, 1913 — page 15: Judge, 1913-08-16

What you’re looking at

This story-within-a-story uses a classic framing device: two people discuss a woman's beauty, leading to a supernatural tale meant to distract from an uncomfortable truth. A man tells his companion about an occult locket involving an invisible assailant who attacked a woman in Hyde Park. The listener repeatedly interrupts, redirecting conversation to Helen Fortescue's appearance—her eyes are too close together. The man deflects each time, continuing his story. The satire targets social hypocrisy: the man is clearly infatuated with Helen but uses elaborate storytelling to avoid confronting uncomfortable realities about her looks or their relationship. When finally pressed, he reveals the "more beautiful girl" is the listener herself—his fiancée—implying he's been emotionally (or physically) unfaithful through his obsession with Helen. The joke mocks both masculine self-deception and the period's courtship conventions, where men avoided direct emotional honesty.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

More Lovely than Helen By SEK HAT a beautiful girl Miss For- Wi iheue ie!” she said. "If I were a man, I should be crazy about her!’’ “She's very pretty,’’ he assent- ed; ‘‘but I know a girl who is much more beautiful— much more charm- ing."* “What a curi- ous-looking locket that is on your fob!"” “There's a strange story connected with it. I picked it up in a quaint little curio shop in London. It once belonged to a man who had some kind of an occult power that made it possible for him to become invisible to other people."” “You don’t believe anybody ever really had such power as that, do you?’’ “No. But the story the curio dealer told me about this man was rather inter- esting. It seems that the man who had this curious power had lived in India for a number of years, and while there he succeeded in getting himself initiated into some of the deep mysteries of the East. When he came back to England, strange stories began to be heard about him. One day a woman was walking in Hyde Park, appar- ently all alone, when suddenly she put her hands up to her throat. and began to struggle as if attempting to free her- self from the clutches of some. one who was choking her. Peo- ple who rushed to her assist- ance’’—— “Oh, such stories always make me feel creepy! Don’t you think Helen Fortescue’s beauty would be perfect if her eyes were not quite so near to- gether?”” “I don't believe I ever no- ticed that her eyes were too near together, People who rushed to her assistance found her choked almost into insensi- bility, and there were clearly defined fin- ger marks on her neck. A few minutes later"’—— ‘*Il suppose, when a man admiresa girl, he doesn’t notice any little defects like that, does he?” “It was not necessarily a defect. Any one who is choked is likely to have marks showing’’—— ‘*I mean Helen Fortescue’s eyes.’’ PROFESSIONAL NEIGHBORS ~‘ Please, ma’am, mother says can ye loan her some milk. She wants to make a omelet with them DISTURBING Voice through the door—Quick! everybody to the fire escape ! It's through the bath-room window."* “‘Don’t you care to hear the rest of the story?" “Oh, yes, certainly! Please go on."’ “‘A few minutes after the woman's cu- rious struggle, the man who owned this locket was seen walking away from the place where the thing happened. No one had noticed him before, and it was sup- posed that he had, while invisible to others, assaulted the woman, whether for revenge or for the purpose of robbing her nobody knew. The most remarkable part of the story” “You were saying a moment ago that you knew a much more beautiful girl.’’ “‘T am not sure that she was beautiful. The curio man didn’t mention it. The most remarkable’ “I mean more beautiful Fortescue."’ “Yes, I do know one who is more beautiful—much more beautiful.’’ “Do I know hor?” “Yes,” “Very well?”’ “*You ought to know her better than you know any one else in the world."” “‘Do you think a girl ought to calla young man by his first name before they are engaged?”’ “I don’t see any harm in it, if they are good friends.’’ “But if—if they are something more than friends?"" “Then there is the more reason why she should.’” “*Who is she—Philip?’’ “The curio man didn’t tell me. I don’t suppose he knew.”’ “‘I mean the girl who is more beauti- ful and lovely than Helen?"’ than Helen eggs she borrowed off ye this mornin’. comicbooks.com