Judge — August 16, 1913 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“If you will promise not to say any- thing to any one else, I will"’—— “But why should we keep it a secret?” “I want to tell Ker myself. She is your sis- ter Jessie. Shall I tell you the most remarka- ble part of the story “No, thank you. I really don’t know why you should think I'm interested in yourlocket. What an awful homely thing it is, anyway!” Historic Peculiarities SHAKESPEARE used to walk to Lon- don in preference to waiting for a train. During his entire life Michael Angelo made less than five dollars out of draw- ings for Sunday papers. Robert Fulton wouldn't turn water into a steam boiler, even if it were burn- ing dry. Catherine the Great, who was very fond of writing letters, never moistened the gummy side of postage stamps. Daniel Webster believed in economiz- ing time, but was never known to use a telephone. Nero was pasczionately fond of playing the violin, but would never consent to having a pianola in the house. Napoleon never got a wink of sleep in a room that was steam-heated. Lord Cornwallis grew fat on army camp chuck, but never could eat at a cafeteria. —Howard C. Kegley WHICH 1S WHICH? One has six man-eating tigers to his credit ; the other has just shot his first rabbit, The Viewpoint The pessimist said, as he nursed his blues, “T never had aught that I didn’t lose. The optimist said—and his smile was glad— “T never lost aught that I hadn't first had.*” Cff the Water Wagon Aladdin rubbed his lamp and the genie appeared, “It's my first sight of a djinn-phiz,”” sighed Aladdin, And he rolled off the water wagon. FORTISSIMO DURING PIANISSIMO Little Sue (alarmed and shrilly treble) Mamma, is that man shaking his stick at that woman ? Mamma (soothingly) Hush, dearie, he isn’t shaking his stick at her. Litle Sve (still uneasy) —Then, mamma, what is she yelling about ? A Ballade of Now and After I™ A LANGUID, listless wight; Careless I'm of blame or praise. Iam choleric day and night, Spiteful in each word and phrase There’s no spirit in my lays, And I'm in an endless frown, Oh, the gladness in my gaze When the girls get back to town! He who once was blithe and bright, Now his mournfulness betrays; He whose heart was once so light, Naught but sadness now displays. Yet, though gloom my spirit sways And I sink in studies brown, I shall come from out the maze When the girls get back to town. Something’s missing to the sight; Every comfort from me strays. Nothing seems to go just right; - All the hope in me decays, For there is no charm that stays. Ah! my woes I'll quickly drown And a song of joy upraise When the girls get back to town. ENVOY Mark ye! In so many ways I have kept ex 3 down— I've been saving for the days When the girls get back to town! Nathan M, Levy. Depends on Circumstances “Do you say ought-to-mobile or owe- to-mobile, Jimpson?’’ asked Slathers. “Well, that depends,’’ said Jimpson. “‘When I think of how I ought to pay for it, I say ought-to-mobile, and when I think of how I can’t pay for it, I say owe-to-mobile. Want to take a little run in my owe-to-mobile with me?’’ comicbooks.com