Judge — April 26, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cupid's Catechism For the Perpeteal Prima Dos Q. Who made you—as you are now, A. D, 1913? A. Idid Q. What are you? A. The incarnation of perpetual youth. Q. Can you prove it? A. I don't have to; it is publicly ad- mitted. Q. Were you always as young as you are now? A. No; I have had three husbands, Q. How did you overcome these ob- stacles? A. By eliminating them. Q. Why is a husband? A. To demonstrate that even Cupid is not always able to let well enough alone. Q. Do you really believe in the tender passion? ‘A. Most assuredly. Q. What is your definition of love? A. Love is the emotion felt by affluent elderly gentlemen for youthful beauty of the opposite sex. Q. Has youthful beauty, then, no share in that emotion? A. Oh, yes; but in her case it is called gratitude—or curiosity. Q. How many times should youthful beauty be capable of gratitude—or curi- osity? A. It is cruel of you, Cupid, to urge ‘me to commit myself on that subject! Q. Well, then, you'd like me to con- tinue indefinitely to drop in when in your neighborhood? A. Considering that I am the Perpetual Prima Donna and the incarnation of per- petual youth, your duty is plain. You will continue to drop in as long as your arrows hold out! —Curtis Dunham Figuring A WELL-KNOWN society woman, who had a penchant for being in the pub- lic eye, was recently talking over her plans with an acquaintance. “You'll get alot of praise if you bar the turkey trot at your coming reception,’’ said her friend, “Yea, dear,"’ replied the society woman; ‘‘but I think I’ll get more notice in the papers if I don’t.’” Scandalous Mrs. Baker—Is the table at your board- ing house of unvarying excellence? Mrs. Barker--No; there are days when, we don’t hear a word of gossip. Pent-up Wit First convict—They say it took Milton fifteen days to write one page of a book. Second convict—That’s nothing! I've been on one sentence six years, and I'm not through yet. Temperamental ‘I took them to be a theatrical couple."’ “Did they wear spats?” “No; but they certainly had plenty of them. Doubt Barker—Congratulate me, old man! My best girl has just accepted me over the telephone! Candidus—Are you sure she understood what you were saying? Realism Mrs. Hemmandhaw—I am almost heart- broken because Ethel wants to become a moving-picture actress! What shall I do? Mrs. Shimmerpate—If she were my daughter, I'd just let her flicker. i a" Egg View Note Ambrose Cross- lots say: ‘A pes- simist isa feller who thinks that ev'ry golden oppur- tunity is made of brass.’" Another Think He—I think there are microbes in kisses. She—Have you tried one of mine? It is an ill wind that blows nobody the goods. a lively ANOTHER ONE ON HEN PECK She (as he buttons the last one)—I think I'll wear that BRD nom oe Shy on Both «eTHE golden eagle is very rare, isn't it?” “But I don’t find it any more so than just the ordinary ten-dollar bill.”” Literal ‘‘Miss Many Seasons is furious at the editor of that society paper.’’ “Why?’? “He referred to her as a ‘well-known’ beauty.” Heard on a Street Car “‘There’s a conductor on this line who can play a tune ringing up the fares.’’ “*He must be a musical conductor.” The Stingy Variety Bess—Chollie is certainly a peach, but he won't give me an engagement ring. Jess--Perhaps he’s a cling stone. 2 SZ Co” - a WAL Yfrs Ke SMA ALTRUISTIC Lawyer—Now, since we have won this case, I shall consider it a duty to take interest in your half, I assure you, comicbooks.com