Judge, 1913-04-26 · page 9 of 24
Judge — April 26, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines. Key targets include: **"The Aigrette"**: Critiques the hypocrisy of fashionable women who claim to love animals yet wear feathered hats made from killed birds—a real controversy as aigrettes (egret plumes) were fashionable despite conservation concerns. **"Lovely Woman"** and similar brief jokes mock domestic life, women's chattiness, and marriage—standard period humor about gender relations. **"New Definition"**: Satirizes theater audiences' indifference to dramatic quality, suggesting they attend mainly to socialize. **Various one-liners**: Poke fun at vanity, wireless technology (then novel), self-made millionaires, and class pretension. The illustrations support the text with period-appropriate drawings. Overall, the page reflects turn-of-the-century concerns about fashion excess, technology, marriage compatibility, and social hypocrisy—delivered through quick, cynical quips typical of Judge's style.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
| i il \e p \9e * «% @ ~ gb ece ot at ae y) A‘SPRING FANTASY—THE BIG DIPPER The Aigrette 'ERENA has a tender heart, A blue and gentle eye; She would not step upon a worm, She could not kill a fly. She cannot bear to see a whip Applied to any steed; She keeps her pocket full of nuts, Her squirrel friends to feed. She reads about the birds de- stroyed By thousands every year, To deck Dame Fashion’s swagger lid, And drops a pitying tear. She shelters every homeless pup And rescues every cat, And yet she wears a snowy-white Aigrette upon her hat. Minna Irving The Most Devoted “Who is the one to stick toa fel- low to the very last, and who always has a deep-down belief in him, no matter if every one else does think he is no good?’ “Himself !"" The Diagnosis “Has he a mental affliction?’’ “No, a sentimental one.’” Grist oy SEE the popular young author and the popular young actress who were mar- ried a few months ago have dis- agreed as to domesticity and separated, and she is going back on the stage."” “Yes; but it isn’t so bad, after all, for the young author probably has got plenty of stuff out of the experience for new stories."’ f Lovely Woman A man’s a fool who thinks of balking A woman when her tongue would spin. She always says, ‘‘There’s no use talking!"” When she intends to start right in. New Definition Helter—What is a theater? Skelter—A theater is a place where people who have any lin- gering respect for the drama go to have it removed. Vanity's Ingenuity Mary—Is there any advan- tage in changing your style of hair dressing 80 often? Alice—Yes; it gives me perpetual ex- cuses for buying new hats. Fudge The villain tried the maid to kiss; From balcony there came no hiss— You do not understand me? Say! I saw it at a picture play. SURELY NOT Kindly gent—Willie, aren't you afraid you're late for supper? Willio—Naw! I got de meat. A MASTERLY HAND, OR A SAFETY RAISER Probably Not @ «GHE'S always doing something origi- nal.’" “What is her latest achievement in that line?”’ “*She’s become engaged by wireless telegraphy.’’ “TI wonder if she will be satisfied with a ringless engagement.”’ Judging 2 Man by His Clothes “‘What a mistake it is to judge men by their clothes!"" “Yes. I know a self-made millionaire who dresses as well as any of the clerks in his establishment.’* Cruel May May—He threatened to drown himself if I refused him. Bess—What did you say? May—I told him he couldn’t use me as a life preserver. If money really talks, some men are fond of whispering. Doing as She Agreed Black—She said on her wedding day that she would go through every- thing for him. White—Well, I guess she has. I loaned him a tenspot this morning. Success He was obscure and friendless when He bravely started out; But, daily urged ahead by Hope, He struggled up the slippery slope, And died, at last, of gout. His Specialty “Mrs. Flipper says her husband is a painter. I wonder if he isa post-impressionist.’’ ‘*He whitewashes fences, if that’s what you mean.’’ The younger the practitioner of any profession, the wiser his look. comicbooks.com