Judge, 1913-04-05 · page 13 of 24
Judge — April 5, 1913 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"An Unconscious Bidder"** satirizes auction-house manipulation and human suggestibility. A man unknowingly bids on a watch by nodding from hiccoughs, not intent to purchase. The auctioneer, eager for a sale, interprets each involuntary head movement as a bid, escalating prices until the man protests. The joke critiques both auctioneers' aggressive sales tactics and bidders' careless participation in auctions—the man literally cannot help himself. **"A Grudging Admission"** appears to mock academic snobbery. A "Chin" character concedes a "Beard" character possesses genius, but Beard dismissively attributes success to "society's unearned increment"—suggesting the man succeeds through social advantage rather than merit. This satirizes intellectuals who dismiss accomplishment through ideology. **"Her Birthstone"** jokes about a woman changing her birth month to April to match her diamond ring's assigned stone, prioritizing the gift over factual accuracy—gentle satire of romantic compromise or materialism. **"English for Export"** depicts foreigners speaking broken English, likely mocking exaggerated immigrant dialects common in period humor.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
An Unconscious Bidder HOLDING aloft a flashy timepiece, the auctioneer exclaimed grandilo- quently. “‘We have here a genuine gold- filled, Elgin - move- ment, full-jeweled, hand- engraved chronome- ter, made to sell at sixty dollars. To start the bidding, I am going to offer it Y at the ridiculously low figure of five dollars."’ After waiting for the full im- port of his words to be grasped by his hearers, the auctioneer began in a monotone, “Fiv the five’ A small man near the front of the crowd slightly inclined his head. “‘Five—can I get the ten? Five—can I get the ten? Five’’—— an I get the five—can I get Again the little man nodded. “Ten—can I get the fifteen? Ten— can I get the fifteen? Ten’’- To the surprise of everybody, including the auctioneer, the same man signaled again. ‘‘Fifteen—can I get the twenty? Fifteen—can I get the twent’”’—— Noticing that the little man appeared to be growing rest- LFELLOWS > A GRUDGING ADMISSION Chin—Bat you will admit, professor, that the man has genius. Beard—Genivs? Ha! society's unearned increment. less, and fearing to take any more chances on him, the auc- tioneer suddenly concluded, “*And sold to the little man in the brown suit.'’ When the watch was passed to him, the man in the brown suit indignantly refused it. “I didn’t bid on it at all,’’ he said, ‘‘and I am not going to buy it!” “If you didn’t intend to buy it,’’ cried the auctioneer, ‘‘why in blazes did you keep nodding your head?” “I couldn’t help it,’’ the man in the brown suit replied. “I've got the hiccoughs!’" —C. A. Leady, Czsar, Alexander, Napoleon and Rameses might not have won their honors easy these days. Her Birthstone “Did Julius give you a stone-set ring for your birthday?”’ “Yes, Isn't it a beauty? Blue white.” “But you were born in March. The diamond is the birth- stone for April.’’ “That's right; but as long as I know Julius, my birth month is going to be April.’” “¢ ENGLISH FOR EXPORT Mons.—These is ver bad vetter, is it not, yes? Herr —Yes, it is gettink vetter und vetter, comicbooks.com