Judge — April 5, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VENUS DE MILO VERSUS VENUS DE STYLO, A LA NEW YORKO Training an Oriental A CANADIAN woman wanted to show her Chinese servant the correct way to apnounce visitors, and one afternoon went outside her front door, rang the bell, and made the man usher her into the drawing-room. The following afternoon the bell rang, and not hearing him answer it, she went to the door herself. To her surprise, he was standing waiting outside. “‘Why, Sing,’’ she asked, ‘‘what are you doing here?”’ “You foolee me yesteddy. you to-day,”’ was his reply. I foolee IMPOSSIBLE Wyler—Lend me a dollar, old chap! until Saturday I'll pay you. Smyler—Couldn't do it! til Saturday on a dollar. If I live You couldn't live un- Homan Nature GHE began her career selling gloves for McKnight— Grant Street entrance, first floor, second aisle to the right— And quite often at night she would go home and cry Over what she must stand from the peo- ple who buy. But she married a broker—Lord only knows how !— And she’s riding around in a limousine now; And the salesladies down at McKnight’s all declare That she’s meaner than any one else who shops there! His Way “Major Hornboggle, over there,”” said the landlord of the Pruntytown tavern, with an indicatory jerk of his thumb toward a by-passer, ‘‘is the most digni- fied man in town. When his hat blows off, he never takes the trouble to chase it, but lets the spectators do it for him. He won’t loaf anywhere but in the Na- tional Bank, and actually struts while he is sitting down.” The Boy Scout Each boy scout now is hunting, With love for the game immense, ~ -That-good, old-fashioned knothole That grows in the baseball fence. Martha Strayer. Another Term Helter—Do you know anything about your son’s course at Yale? Skelter—No; but he writes me about every fine. A Screw Driver of Importance THE engine had gone to pieces, the screw revolved no more, and the yacht of the millionaire rolled helplessly in the trough of the sea. Anxiously signaling for help was the wireless operator. He was approached by the owner of the craft. ‘‘I wish," said the latter, ‘‘that you would advise my wife, in Brooklyn, of our accident.”” “Shall I tell her the engine is broken, sir?’ asked the wireless man. “By no means!"’ exclaimed the million- aire. ‘Those bald words would be dis- comforting to the sensitive woman. Send her a message which, while not trans- gressing the truth, will make her think our accident is only a trivial one. Tell her our screw driver is broken.’’ BASHFUL R. E. Mark—Young Smith stands there like a piece of furniture. Tux E. Doe— Yes; plain wall nut. At Night “A woman’s crowning glory is her hair,” Has oft been said. At night you'll find it lying everywhere But on her head. The Same, Yet Different First amateur photographer—Did that expert show you how it was done? Second amateur photographer — Yes; but he didn’t show me how to do it. The Fashion -- The gowns they wear are now so tight That women scarce can hobble; Their walk is oftentimes a fright, Half scuffle and half wabble. Who was it started such a style Which women seized with passion? We find—on looking back a while— A mermaid set the fashion! Berton Br ley comicbooks.com