Judge — March 8, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Too Bashful To Explain, BASHFUL boy, accom- panied by his father, took a load of hay to town for the new min- ister. Just as they reached thetninister’s gate, the load slipped off, burying the man beneath it. The boy hastened to the door to ask for help. When the minister an- swered his knock, he began to explain about the mishap; but the cordial preacher cut him short by insisting that he come in and share their dinner—the upset load of hay could be attended to afterward. Not knowing how to refuse, the boy ac- cepted the invitation. After the meal, he pushed back his chair and looked at the minister appealingly. “I—I guess I'll have to go and see about father now,’’ he stammered. “Why, where is your father?" inquired the surprised minister. “‘He’s out there under the hay,’’ re- plied the boy. Regretting the Cost. Henry never knew stairs could be so frolicksome and alpine until that mid- night. He had reached the turning point of his perilous journey, when his wife appeared, armed with the well-known candle and poker. “You're drunk, Henry!’’ she cried vin- dictively. ‘*You’re drunk!’’ “Well, if I ain’t,’’ responded Henry demurely, ‘I’ve spent three dollars and sixty-five cents for nothing at all!’’ And he wept. Hope. “Oh, may we hope?"’ the lovers say. The silly geese! Of course they may! There’s nothing in life’s horoscope That's half so cheap as hope, sweet hope. ONLY HALF RIGHT. First waiter—Them 's the same couple has bin in here most ev'ry day lately, ain't they, Bill? Second waiter—It's the same girl. NOW THERE ARE TWO. Tourist—How did you find your way out when you got lost in these Rockies ? Guide—I never did get out The Kicker. ] KNOW aman who kicks at everything; He kicks because the neighbors like I'm still Jost. to sing, He kicks because of heat there's not a bit, Until the date the landlords set for it. He kicks if, at some entertaining play, He finds a ponderous pillar in his way; He kicks if, in the subway, some one dares To stand upon his fect, instead of theirs, And is he killed or punched or filled with woe? With deep regret I sadly answer, No! He shuts the neighbors up, he gets,the heat, The subway trespasser gets off his feet. He’s shown a seat about the center, E— In fact, he gets just what he wants, I see; And when at last he climbs the golden stair, He'll kick, and get the brightest halo there. L. Case Russell A Tip. New janitor— How d'you make ’em come across with the New Year tips? Old janitor—Oh, there are ways, but one scheme is this: Fer a week before New Year's I sift de ashes close, t’ save coal, an’ New Year mornin’, bright and early, I chuck on de fuel an’ get up about twenty pounds o’ steam. Dat makes de radiators sing, an’ I jes’ goes from one flat to another an’ asks, ‘‘Is dis hot enough fer ye?” Contented with Herself. Gladys—Helen certainly looked happy in church this morning! Mae—Evidently she had nothing on her mind but her Easter hat! comicbooks.com