Judge — February 15, 1913 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

What the West Thinks About the East : That Congress ought to pass a law mak- ing it a misdemeanor to call any ranch a That there are 3,987,654 parrots in New England, owned by that many old maids. That every man hailing from east of Kansas ought to be in the permanent care of a ‘dude wrangler.”” That every man with side whiskers and adiamond ring is of necessity a more or less bloated bondholder. That every Wall Street broker sleeps ona mattress stuffed with thousand-dollar bills. That every Eastern home ought to be papered with worthless Western mining stock. That people in New England are still wearing chimney-pot hats and burning witches. That the literary publications of the Esst are chiefly matrimonial journals and mail-order catalogues. That the Eastern visitor calls for mixed drinks just to confuse the Western bar- tender. What the East Thinks About the West : That the lights are never turned out, bat are shot out every night by boisterous cowboys. That hardware dealers sell about eight- een dollars and thirty-five cents’ worth of revolvers to every dollar’s worth of cook stoves. That the women are all cowgirls and can perforate a tomato can four shots out of five when it is tossed in the air. That all the school teachers in the West have migrated there solely with the idea of marrying cowpunchers. That cattle rustling is still the most flourishing industry west of the Missouri River. That an Indian can be found lurking behind every clump of sagebrush visible from the transcontinental trains. That Buffalo Bill discovered all the country west of Dodge City, Kan., and the only reason he didn’t have himself declared king was that he was too busy shooting glass balls. That everybody in the most refined Western circles says ‘‘thar’’ for ‘‘there.”” Arthur Chapman, The Bachelor. He used to send a valentine When he was young and sentimental, But always picked some maid divine Who didn’t care a continental. One Man's Mest Another's Poison. “If meat goes higher I shall starve,”’ The melancholy person cried. “If meat were free I'd never carve!"" je vegetarian replied. Warren & Wetmore Architects THE TERMINAL CITY R UNDERTAKEN—INCIDENT TO THE WHICH WILL BE THE GREATEST CIVIC DEVELOPMENT E NEW GRAND CENTRAL TERMINAL IN NEW YORK CITY, OPENED FEBRUARY, 1913 and specialty shops. In. short, practically every sort of structure and enterprise incident to the modern city. This vast undertaking comprehends the erec- tion of a great Terminal City, complete in itself, a city within a city, occupying an Area of thirty city blocks, in New York City. 10 seatures are all in addition to post office, express buildings and other natural adjuncts of the up-to-date terminal—to expeditiously handle diverse traffic. It will embrace hotels and modern apartment houses, convention and exhibition halls, clubs and restaurants, and department stores The Newly Completed Grand Central Terminal Through and suburban traffic occupy different levels, approached by inclines, av g stair- ways, so that each level may be reached with- out confusion. Incoming and outgoing traffic is segregated and the two currents of travel separated. Every facility is progressively arranged so that no step need be retraced, no time need be lost. There are $3 miles of track within the Terminal, which will hold over 1000 cars at one time. Will provide every detail essential to the com- fort and convenience of its patrons. The Terminal itself is the physical embodiment of the latest and the highest ideal of service. Its adequate description is impossible here. It must be seen tobe fully appreciated—or indeed to be completely comprehended. The main Terminal Building alone is 722 feet long and 301 feet wide on the surface, and half again as wide below the street level. It will accommodate comfortably 30,000 people at one time. Dedicated to the Public Service, February, 1913. NEW BUSINESS JUST OUT DROP THE DEAD ons Py Ly AGRI) EW INVENTION Get started in an sone clean, pipsooeed Tandon) emoney-mating’ AGENTS Lepr frp MAKE Mowey MERE. START NOW—TODAY AGENTS SALESMAN MANAGERS YOUNG OR OLD INEW BUSINESS No A ‘No Oompetition,. Ni reach of sil. That's why its {cra and Maasureas. Removes Hlackh les, rounds out any part of the od et can fs ficadnebey Backache, Newtaligar and tit euraliga, and many ost akeptical person. & jomonst ration convinces the mé a Read On! What Others Dor So Can You. Margwarth, says, Bho foes sold eight machines firet 4. 5.00 pe Beh. ny book ok ented PA assesses Mato. zit EM In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com