Judge — February 1, 1913 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ple, rustic beauty; and when my wife desired to stop to enjoy again a vista we had always loved, I retorted that we hadn't time for any such nonsense. “But what’s the hurry, dear?’’ she asked. “What's the hurry?’’ Ieried. ‘*Why, confound it, Maria, I want to get to Blithersville in time to-turn around and get home again before dark !"" So we sped on, nervously tense, but moving all the time. The country was the merest blur to our whizzing vision. My liver was jarred and jolted as we bounded recklessly on over a seemingly endless succession of thank- yousmarms. My eyes streamed not tears, but rivulets, as the sharp air penetrated the goggles designed to pro- tect them. My heart was madly beating with a delicious fear that something dis- astrous might happen—a slide over a precipice, aclimb up a telegraph pole, a bang into a milk wagon or a skid into a ditch; but I was content, for was I not speeding? As for conversation, it was almost impossible, and what little there was was of the laconic, unrespon- sive sort. The only agreeable thing that I said on the whole trip was in it- self the result of a complete lack of un- derstanding. Passing by a garden lush with a profusion of mignonette, my wife observed, “How deliciously fragrant!’’ refer- ring, of course, tu the mignonette. “Bully! I'm getting to like it my- self!’ answered, referring to the odor of the gasoline. And then, Allah be praised! the thing did happen. We ran slam-bang, head- on, into another motor car, coming in the opposite direction, and when I came to I found that I had fallen out of bed. “T don't think, my dear Mari I, as I gathered myself togethe wr “Well,” said I, ‘I don’t think Iam fit to own one yet. There's nothing the matter with motor cars as motor cars, but mankind hasn't had them long enough yet to take them as a matter of course. I have a sort of notion that the mere possession of a can of gasoline makes the best of us arrogant and sticks him on himself to such an extent that he doesn’t realize that there are other people on earth besides himself."” And, lo! as I went out the next day upon the highway, and saw old Jonesy riding up the street in his new limousine, and noted the rather condescending bow he gave me from the rear seat of that forty-horse-power teapot, I realized that, while my recent experience had been nothing but a dream, it was, in the last analysis, in no sense what a Teasonably competent critic of humor would call a joke. Tom, Tom, the Chauffeur’s Son. Tom, Tom was a chauffeur’s son; He learned to chauf when he was young. He scorched o'er hills and far away, Got nabbed, and a fine he had to pay. n flavored with Abbott's Bitters lightful and healthful. Sample . in stamps. C. W. Abbott & Co., Always on Guard No matter where a ship may be along the American coast; no matter how dark, or cold, or stormy the night, the coast guard is on watch, patrolling the nearest beach or rocky cliffs. This man, always on guard, could, by his own unsupported efforts, do little to save life, or to guide ships away from perilous points. As a unit in an efficient system and able, at a moment's notice, to command the service of his nearby station, he be- comes a power to whom all ship owners and passengers are indebted. In the same way, the Bell Telephone in your home and office is always on guard, By itself, it is only an ingenious instru- ment; but asa vital unit in the Bell System, which links together seven million other telephones in all parts of this country, that single telephone instrument becomes a power to help you at any moment of any hour, day or night. It costs unwearying effort and millions of dollars to keep the Bell System always on guard, but this is the only kind of service that can adequately take care of the social and commercial needs of all the people of a Nation. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES Every Bell Telephone is the Center of the System. For Liquor and Drug Users A scientific treatment which has cured half a million in the past thirty-three years, and the cne treatment which has stood the severe test of time. Adminis- tered by medical experts, at the Keeley Institutes only, For full particulars write To the Following Keeley Institutes: Portland. Me. D Ath tL ett ti Marton: tnd Oktahoma City, Okia. 98 N. St Wavkesha, Wis a Broad St Pittebarsh, Ya. es Pitta Ave, pallan Tex. Motnes. a XC, Salt Lake City, Utah, Crab Orebard. Ky. Seattle, ‘ash, In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com