Judge — January 18, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| i} Her WELL-KNOWN Arkansas bachelor, Mr. Hod Durnitt, upon being interrogated by a friend while awaiting the arrival of the west-bound | train at the railway station in Polkville, confessed. ‘‘Well, no,"’ said he, “I'm not going to marry the Widder McCorkendade, after all, in spite of the prevailing impression to the con- trary. Instead, I am going to hang my | harp on a willer tree, as it were, and | light out for Arizona; that is, if the widder don’t get here before the train does. Not that I’m hurting, presizely, to go to Arizona; but Arizona’s a good | ways from here, and—er—ah— No, i] there ain’t nothing the matter with Pearlie—Pearl’s her first name, you know—except that she’s a little too— er—able, so to express it. She has run the farm mighty well since her husband died, and nobody ever really blamed her for flinging scalding water on the con- stable the time you prob‘ly recollect, and she can trade horses as good as the average man, and—but, atill, she’s a lit- tle too accomplished, sort- er, it "pears to me. I was out there a couple of hours ago—it’s a good place, too, and she's a fine cook and all that; but LEFT BEHIND. Executive Ability. —well, while we was setting there on the porch, talking of our future happi- ness and the like of that, acouple of the dogs got to fighting. A man’s way, you know, when dogs fight, is to yank *em apart and kick ’em in opposite directions and let it go at that. But Pearlie done different. She just grabbed ‘em by the tails, snatched em loose from each other, swung ’em up and went to wringing ‘em around in the air like you'd wring a chicken’s head off, with the poor varmints yelling bloody mur- der at every revolution, and then flung ’em this way and that without even looking, and came and set down close to me and took up the talk right where she'd left off. Na- cher’l enough, the question riz in my mind, if she'd treat a couple of good dogs that-a-way, what in this world of sin would she do to a hus- band? And so—well, if you chance to see Pearlie after I've left, tell her I've gone to Greenland or Pata- gonia, or any place you happen to think of but Arizona. She might take a notion to come there."’ Tem Po Morgan, “A man of large caliber, isn’t he?” “Yes; he is a big bore.” He Was Justly Suspicious. BIG mass meeting was being held A in Blimville. The well-groomed and slick -looking individual who was trying to sepa- rate the town from its = money arose to make a few remarks. “Fellow-citizens,"” he opened up, “‘apropos'’—— “‘Jist a minute, mister,’’ said a small- ish, sandy-whiskered man, A look of annoyance crossed the speak- er’s face. “‘What can I do for you?”’ he asked. “T have here a pocket edition of Webster’s Dictionary, and I want to look up that word ‘apropos.’ 1 don’t intend to sit here and let some oily- tongued stranger slip one over on us,"’ replied the sandy-whiskered man. “You are a little suspicious, I see,’’ said the speaker. ‘‘Now, that word to which you refer means’ “Never mind what it means,”’ en- joined the little man. ‘‘I’m looking it up. I let a smooth talker sell mea uni- cycle one time. He said it was the last word in conveyances, and when I paid the freight on it from Chicago, I found I had purchased a wheelbarrow."’ Le Mr. Winnipeg swears he prefers this to an outing in Florida or the Bermudas. comicbooks.com