Judge, 1912-10-26 · page 13 of 24
Judge — October 26, 1912 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains **multiple unrelated satirical pieces** typical of Judge's format: **Top cartoon:** "No Nearer" depicts a rural water-hauling scene where a stranger suggests digging a well instead of carrying water two miles. The dry farmer replies "It's just as fur that way"—satire on rural stubbornness or lack of initiative. **Middle section:** "Cupid's Cuisine" (by W.D. Nesbit) is a humorous recipe list treating romantic relationships as dishes—"Soufflé" of kisses, "Roast" of jealousy, "Stew" of discovered infidelity. It mocks sentimental courtship language through culinary metaphor. **Bottom illustration:** "Mary Had a Little Lamb" (captioned but content unclear from text alone) appears to show church or formal scene. **Right column stories:** Short humor pieces on economical brides, grammar lessons, and church collection mistakes—gentle domestic satire with no apparent political content. The page exemplifies Judge's mix of romantic/domestic humor and light social commentary targeting middle-class American life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Stranger—'* What! baul water two miles? Why don't you dig a well?" Cupid's Cuisine. OUFFLE—A frothy, sweet, light-as- nothing compound of soft words and honeyed kisses, mixed by moonlight and served to two. |* Frosting—A cold, white covering, composed of kind words and farewell handshakes, spread upon a cake that has suddenly become all dough. Roast—Take a bit of jealousy, let it simmer for two or three days, then heat it suddenly with a hot word until it burns brown. Stew—Occasioned by fiance or fiancee being discovered tete-a-tete with sup- posedly discarded sweet- heart. Goulash—An old beau's dish. Composed of remnants of various love affairs warmed up and served with a sauce of ‘‘Just-as-young-as-I- used-to-be. Hash —Trifling hand squeezes, idle glances, vagrant smiles and mis- interpreted words, with bitsofbetween-the-lines - from formal letters, all chopped together and baked dry. Tart—Acidulated af- fection served on crusty words. Ginger Snap—A red- headed girl catching her beau kissing a meek blonde. Broil — Marrying for money. Doughnut —A flir- tation with nothing in it, —W. D. Nesbit. NO NEARER. A Shining Reward. Of course it pays one to be good; Yet goodness’ dividends, we think, Would be appreciated more Did they but glitter some—and clink. Means To Be Economical. Bridegroom—‘‘Isn’t five dollars a great deal for that intelligence office to charge for securing us a cook?’’ Bride—‘‘Perhaps, love; but I won't change more than once a week.”’ The men who succeed go after things that fail to come to them. “MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB." Dry farmer—" It's just as fur that way," He Knew: The teacher of a small school was conducting a grammar lesson. “Now, children,’ she said, ‘‘in the sentence, ‘John was struck by James,’ there is a person known as the agent. James is the agent, because he is the person that did the act. Now, what is the agent, Mary?’* “The agent is the person or thing that does the act,”’ replied Mary. The teacher turned her eyes on a lit- tle fellow in’ the corner, who was not giving much attention, and in rather sharp tones asked, “Tommy, do you know what the agent is?”’ “*Yes'’m; he’s de gink dat pop kicked out yis- terday.’’ His Mistake. After the services were over, one of the congregation turned to his wife and said, “On my way to church I picked up a button and put it in my change pocket, where I had a quarter.’’ “Gracious, my dear!”’ anticipated his wife, very much horrified, “And you dropped it in- to the collection basket by mistake?” No, confound replied her husband. “I put in the quarter.’’ The evolution of the stinging bee isall right, if the returns show a normal supply of honey. comicbooks.com